Who will stop the rain?
by detective-smartypants
Summary: AU 15 year old Melinda's father is a monster. Her mother has abandoned her. She's alone in the world, scared and broken. She then meets Jim Clancy, could he be the saviour she needs? Will he stop the storm of pain and loneliness?
1. And in this storm, i lost myself

Melinda walked shyly through the crowded corridors of Grandview High school. She was carrying a few biology books and her heavy bag was pressing down on her sore shoulder. She winced as someone pushed past her, hitting her healing rib as they pushed her against the wall. A few girls looked in her direction and whispered amongst themselves. Melinda was used to being stared at, it was an everyday occurrence and she knew exactly why.

She was wearing a pair of ripped skinny jeans with a Guns'n'roses T-shirt that was about 3 sizes too big for her. Her purple converse were old and tattered and her black shoulder strapped bag had been tied together where the strap had broken. Her jet-black hair hung over her face, hiding her sunken cheeks and wide, scared -covered in black make up- eyes. She looked like a freak and she felt like one too.

She pushed into the music room and with her head hanging low she wandered up to the back of the class and fell onto her seat. She pulled out her music sheets and waited on the teacher coming in, facing the floor to avoid the burning stares.

She hadn't always been like this. Once, she was popular, beautiful and happy. But life changed and Melinda had to give up on everything she was ever used to.

Her father left her and her mother when she was only 11, her father who had always been the perfect daddy who gave her the life she wanted. It left her confused and heartbroken. Her mother became withdrawn and the only person Melinda could confide in was her grandmother, who shared an amazing gift to talk to earthbound spirits with her. Sadly, when she was only 13 her grandmother died, leaving her with her mother and acting up at school. Then, on her 15th birthday, her father came back. Things should have gotten easier then, but he shouted a lot more than he had before and one night he came home drunk and hit her mother. Melinda was horrified and couldn't tell anyone what she had witnessed. Only 3 months later, her mother packed up and left Melinda alone with Tom. Who was getting worse and worse. He hurt Melinda from time to time and took all her privileges from her. That's when she changed, she hid herself so that no one would notice the bruises he had formed, she didn't talk because it was easier to just _not _speak at all. Was it her fault? was this normal? she didn't know, she didn't understand anything. All she could do was take it all and be happy that she at least had a roof over her head.

Melinda heard someone mumble a name under their breath and she sighed. This class was the only reason she bothered coming to school, she loved Music because she could actually do it, unlike all her other classes. The teacher walked In to the class and smiled at everyone then sat on the desk.

"you are all doing really well this year. I want you to all come up with a composition by the end of the class, it can be for any instrument you like, use the paper or laptops to write it down and you can go to the keyboards or whatever to help you with the process…I want the songs to be slow, sad and in a minor key and I want at least 30 bars in the hour. Melinda, I need to see you please."

Melinda sighed and walked up to the front of the class, holding back a cry when she hit her side off of a table. Mrs Scott smiled at her and gestured for her to follow her out of the class. She led her into the small base for the teachers and sat her down on the small green sofa. Melinda started to feel a little nervous about why she was taking her into a different room to talk to her.

"Melinda, you've been doing really good recently with all your work, but I'm a little worried about you." she started, glancing at Melinda who fidgeted with her hands and stared at the floor.

"you seem really distant and quiet, is everything okay?" she asked

Melinda shrugged her shoulders and sighed "everything is fine."

Mrs Scott sighed "Melinda, if something is going on at home, you should tell Me and I will get you help."

Melinda plastered a fake smile on her face and stood up "everything is fine, can I go now?"

Mrs Scott leaned in closer and this time she spoke quieter.

"Melinda, the other day I noticed a bruise on your arm and it's not the first time I've saw bruises on you. Please talk to me, I'm extremely worried about you. Nothing will go back to you if you don't want it to. But if someone is hurting you, we need to know for your safety."

Melinda shook her head and stood up. "nothing is happening, I fell, I'm clumsy, that's all." she muttered before walking away.

**PLEASE REVIEW :D **


	2. Swallow my love, spit me out pain

Melinda glaned up at the small round clock on the wall across from her desk. She'd been counting down till the last bell for the last 3 minutes, though it seemed more like 10. She did the every day, counted how long she had left of being safe, of having no risks of over cooking dnner or leaving something somewhere were it shouldn't be and getting slapped for it. She saw the hand hit the 12 and the sound of the bell filled the room, followed by the squeking of chairs against the tiled floor and people chatting. Melinda stood up and pulled her bag over her shoulder and walked slowly through the crowd of people to walk 'home'. She took her every day route through the woods just beside the school, It was autumn, so all the leaves were falling down in the gentle breeze, golden, brown, reds and oranges were scattered on the ground and the sun was peeping through the gaps in the hundreds of tall trees overhead. This seemed to be one place Melinda felt safe, whenever Tom wasn't home, she'd come here with a book and just separated herself from all the drama that was her life. She arrived home just on the nick of time and ran up to her room where she put her bags In her nearly empty closet. She pulled on a hoody and ran down to the kitchen to decide what to make for Tom's dinner.

He was asleep on the couch, beer cans were scattered over the floor with a pizza box and crisp packets on the coffee table. Melinda put on the oven and cleaned up around him, when she was sure it was tidy she went back to the kitchen where she placed the chicken in the oven and poured herself a glass of diet coke. She sat down at the table and turned on the CD player, her Mumford and Sons CD was already in and she sang along to 'after the storm' while reading a magazine.

The timer went off and she placed the chicken on a plate with some potatoes and carrots. Knowing that Tom wouldn't be happy if she woke him up, she placed some foil over it and put it in the oven. Leaving herself a few carrots and a piece of chicken.

At 7pm, she woke Tom up and told him that his dinner was ready. When she saw the look on his face as he eyed the chicken, she knew he was angry. She didn't have the option to run, all she could do was wait for the beating and know it was no ones fault but her own.

"why did you make chicken?" he asked, his voice held a sight bitterness that made her shiver.

She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the floor.

"you know I asked for cheeseburgers and fries last night, why the hell did you make this shit?" he shouted, throwing the plate to the floor and standing on the chicken. Melinda winced and nodded. "I'll go to MacDonald's before work." she mumbled.

Melinda had to work part time at a diner her father owned, he never went there, he made her do all of the important stuff like the paperwork and the cooking, even though she was too young. He didn't have a Job, she was the bread winner and she had to juggle that with school and singing lessons, that Tom didn't know about.

"you'll go right now." he demanded.

Melinda nodded and picked her purse up then left for the 30 minute walk to the town.

After she picked up Tom's dinner and brought it back to him, she got into her work outfit and tied her hair up in a bun. She piled on some foundation and eye make up to cover up her bruises and picked up her bag.

"I'll be back at ten." she shouted into her father. She heard him grunt and she sighed. At least he hadn't hit her. Yet.

The night in the diner was slow and tiring, a few people came in from her school and when asking orders called her the usual 'diner girl' and threw laughs and nasty glances her way.

There was one person who worked in the diner, her name was Andrea and she was like a mother to Melinda. She was always telling her to go home early when she knew she had had little sleep and she was constantly concerned. But not even she knew Melinda's secret.

After work, Melinda walked home in the dark alone. It was a cold night, she could see her breath against the freezing air. She was hoping that Tom would be in bed and she could just go in and go straight up to bed, but sadly that wasn't the case.

He was sitting on the sofa with a can of beer watching Football. Melinda didn't say a word, she tried to creep up the stairs, but he caught her.

"Melinda, get me a beer." he demanded, his words slurring.

She went into the fridge and sighed when she noticed that it was empty.

"there's none left."

Tom stood up and walked towards her, causing her to step back in fear.

"go get me some at the store." he mumbled.

Melinda shook her head "the store is closed." she whispered.

Tom stood in front of her and gave her an evil glare.

"you were supposed to pick up a pack today."

"I can't buy beer, you know that."

"are you answering me back?" he asked angrily.

Melinda shook her head and took a shaky breath.

"I-I…-"

Tom stepped forward and pushed her up against the wall.

"get. me. beer."

"I-I can't, I'm to young, they wont let me b-buy it an-"

Tom slapped her hard across the face and she slid to the floor.

"useless piece of trash, can't do nothin' right." he muttered, before walking away, he kicked her leg and muttered another swear at her.

Melinda didn't pick herself up from the floor for a couple of hours after that. She just lay there, no tears, no emotions. Just staring at the wall. Imagining how it would be so much easier if she was dead.

**PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?**

**and the next point will focus on Tom, it's gonna be a little different from the last version in the sense that Tom has a deeper role, i will focus on his past, things that happened that may be the route cause of what he does to Melinda. xxx **


	3. on my knees and out of luck, i look up

Melinda ran her hand along the freshly polished piano keys, savouring the way it felt on her hands, so new and untouched. The school had ordered a new baby grand piano for the theatre and Melinda was getting to try it out before anyone. There was something about playing a _brand new _piano that Melinda didn't like. She'd gotten used to the feel of the regular keys under her fingers, the sound in her ears. She didn't like the brand new seats because they were just…untouched.

She placed her fingers on the C E G and high C keys starting with the c, she worked her way up the notes, smiling at the sound of an arpeggio. She went up 2 octaves and slowly, with her foot pressed down on the pedal to elongate the notes, she played the arpeggio over and over, slowly and gracefully. With her left hand, she played a C chord and a G chord and then started adding in a few scales, G, C, E minor. She smiled at all the notes coming together to make a blissful melody. This was her usual exercise to start off. She then pulled out her composition notes and placed them in front of her.

There was notes scribbled all over the transcript paper and little words on the bottom and top too. She looked over it and pulled out her lyrics sheet next,

**And After the storm **

**I run and run as the rains come **

**And I look up**

**On my knees and out of luck, I look up. **

**Night has always pushed up day. **

**You must know life to see decay **

**But I won't rot **

**I wont rot. **

**Not this mind and not this heart I wont rot. **

**And I took you by the hand **

**And we stood tall **

**And remembered our own land **

**What we lived for **

**There'll come a time, you'll see**

**With no more tears **

**And love will not break your heart, **

**But dismiss your fears. **

**Get over your hill and see what you find there **

**With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair. **

Melinda sang soflty to the lyrics she'd made up the night before while crying. She didn't understand how she could possible write lyrics such as 'love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears' and 'there'll come a time you'll see, with no more tears', who was she kidding, life would always be about hatred and pain, she'd never see love, she'd rot away to nothing, she'd fall to her knees and willingly le her world crumble. Or so, that's what she had assumed.

She was wrapped in the music, all the notes enclosing around her, blanketing her, shielding her from her life, when she heard someone enter the empty hall. She stopped and looked around to see Mrs Scott standing at the doorway. She turned on the main lights and walked up to the lit up stage, where she sat down next to Melinda by the piano. "wow." she breathed. "that was really amazing."

Melinda smiled and and collected the sheet music into a bundle and sat it on her knee.

"you wrote that?" she asked. Melinda nodded shyly.

"when?"

"last night" Melinda said.

Mrs Scott watched her fold the corners of the paper up and rip them off.

"well, that was great. Well done." she said.

Melinda nodded distantly, head down to the floor. "miss, can I ask you a question?" she asked quietly.

Mrs Scott nodded.

"do you believe that anyone can change?" she asked.

Mrs Scott looked at her momentarily confused and smiled. "well there are some people, who just don't have the ability to become what they aren't. Stubborn people, say." she said.

"what about murderers and men who hurt their wives…woman who hurt their husbands?" she asked.

Mrs Scott shrugged. "I believe it can happen, but it would take time and help."

Melinda sighed.

"do you think people are born bad?" she mumbled.

Mrs Scott looked at her concerned now, where was this coming from?

"no." she said simply.

"people make them that way. Corrupt their souls with anger and hatred. Plant bad thoughts in their minds." she said.

"so if someone was being abused as a child, they would end up a bad person when they are older?" she asked.

"it can happen." Mrs Scott replied.

"why?" she asked catiously.

Melinda considered telling her, putting an end to all of this. But she knew it wouldn't be that easy, her father would get let off and end up killing her when he got home.

Then again. Would being dead be such a bad thing?

She shook her head. "for an essay" she replied, picking up her notes and going to leave the theatre.

Mrs Scott didn't think about what she did, she just…_did it. _She whipped around and grabbed Melinda's arm, causing Melinda to let out a cry and turn around.

"tell me the truth." she begged.

It was like someone had just pulled a rug out from Melinda she was standing one minute and the next, she was on the floor, eyes closed and skin pale as the clouds. Mrs Scott shouted her name over and over, but Melinda was just out of it. She picked Melinda up, not knowing what to do and carried her out of the theatre and along the corridor to the nurses office.

"Nurse Ferguson!" she called loudly, laying Melinda on the bed in the corner of the room.

A small old woman with pale skin and white hair came out of the bathroom, wearing a light pink dress and a stethoscope around her neck. "oh my goodness, what happened?" she asked, seeing Melinda unconscious on the bed.

"I…I don't even know. One minute she was talking to me and the next she was on the floor."

"Melinda" the nurse said, shaking Melinda's shoulder. When she didn't wake up, Nurse Ferguson ran into her supply room and came back with a small bag of cotton buds and a bottle of something Mrs Scott couldn't see right. She poured a little of it onto the cotton buds and hovered it under Melinda's nose. Not two minutes later Melinda opened her eyes and looked around, breathing fast and unsteadily.

"Melinda, you're okay sweety, just take deep breaths."

"have you eaten anything today?" Mrs Scott asked.

Melinda shook her head and her mind led her back to the previous night

_She placed some pasta on the plate and sat down at the table. Spinning it around on her fork she was about to place it in her mouth when an almighty thump startled her. She looked around to see her father standing, absolutely pissed out of his mind holding a beer can. "you…" he slurred, edging closer. "who…did I tell you that you could eat my food?" he asked loudly picking up the plate and throwing it against the wall and the loud sound of the smash resounded against the unprotecting walls. Melinda winced and stepped back until her back was against the cold wall. Tom stood so close to her that she could smell his revolting breath. "who pays for the food?" he asked. Melinda shook her head "I-I…uh…well I kinda do" she mumbled shakily. A look of pure fury etched across Tom's face and he pressed himeslf up against her so that she could hardly breathe. "Don't you __**dare**__ talk to me like that. I provide you with this house and I take care of you despite all th shit you caused. It was __**your **__fault that your mom went away. __**your **__fault that I left and it's __**your **__fault that I changed. __**you **__are the freak. __**you **__are the scum of this house. __**you don't deserve to even be alive. **__too bad you cook okay meals. Or else you wouldn't be!" he spat, slapping her across the cheek. He pulled her back and picked up some pasta from the floor. "you're hungry?" he asked, "Eat this!" he screamed, prying her mouth open with his hands and stuffing the pasta in her mouth. She was gagging as it hit the back of her throat and she fell to the floor. "more?" he asked. She shook her head and he opened her mouth again, against her clamping it shut. She choked a little and threw all of it back up over the kitchen floor. Which only made him angrier. "please" she whimpered "please s-stop." "you think you can beg your way out of it. no fucking way. GET UP AND CLEAN THAT OFF OF THE FLOOR!" he screamed. Melinda sobbed and tried to sit up. "I…I can't" she mumbled. He took her shoulder and pushed her so hard she smacked her head against the corner of the table. That was the last thing she remembered before everything faded into nothing. _

Melinda placed a hand over her mouth and jumped up, Mrs Scott pulled a paper bag up to her and she threw up into it, shaking all the while.

When she pulled back, both she and Mrs scott were horrified, on her chin and in the bag…was blood.

Melinda let out a loud cry and started to shake harder. "Melinda" Mrs Scott said. "calm down, you'll be okay." Melinda nodded her head and coughed, a little blood coming out again. This time she turned gastly pale again and fell back, hitting her head as she went down.

Mrs Scott gasped and stepped back, not knowing what to do.

Not 3 minutes later 3 paramedics came rushing into the room with a gurney. They hooked her up to some machines, asked some questions and soon, she was taken away.

**REEEEEVIEW? xxxxxxxxo**


	4. and in his eyes, a glimmer of hope

One thing Melinda hated was hospital beds. They were uncomfortable, they were cold and they were just unhygienic. The thought of how many people slept in it before her freaked her out. The thought of anyone dying in it freaked her out more. The fact that she was here for, as she had counted, the 4th time in the past few months made her physically sick. Tom didn't call ambulances often, and when he did it it was when his conscience kicked in, which was something Melinda never understood. Most of the time, when tom hurt Melinda, after it he'd say nothing about it. But there would be odd times when a whole new Tom would appear, he'd be shocked, horrified at what he'd done. Melinda always wondered why this was, until she thought about what Mrs Scott had said the day before, about how people weren't born bad, that they were tought that way, saw it and learned it. She had never known about Toms past, about his childhood, because when she asked, he's always changed the subject.

Maybe this was why.

Melinda shivered at the thought and suddenly, her mind was filled with a new one. What if she ended up like that? What if she got a husband and had a child and one day became a monster just like her father. Even the thought gave her shivers down her spine. Melinda sighed and looked around to see if a nurse was around to tell her what was wrong and when she'd be getting home, but the room was empty. She sighed and closed her eyes, hoping to drift off.

She must have been asleep for an hour or two when she heard a doctor and her father talking in the room. The doctor was saying something about internal bleeding and surgery, obviously talking about what had been wrong with Melinda. She pretended to be just waking up and opened her eyes slowly, groaning as she did so. It was then, she realised there was a pain in her side, a really sharp pain. She gasped and clamped her eyes shut, catching the nurses attention. She walked over to the bed and read the machines.

"hold on sweetie, we're just gonna get you some pain meds for them stitches." she said kindly. "you had to have surgery because your rib broke and caused some internal bleeding." the young woman said.

Melinda nodded and looked at her father, he was glaring at her as if she had done something wrong. Had she?

When the morphine was injected into her IV, she felt herself calm down and the pain did also. The nurse smiled at her and when she was sure Tom had left and was a safe distance away, she sat on a chair by Melinda's bed and looked at her seriously.

"how did you hurt yourself?" she asked with a hushed voice.

Melinda shrugged. "I'm such a clutz. I fall _all _the time. I think it might have bee-"

"lets just get this out right now. When we called your father, he didn't exactly rush over here, and I now a fake cry when I see one. Melinda is your dad doing this?" she asked.

Melinda shook her head "doing what?"

"we saw the bruises, the cuts, the broken bones. We saw it all. No one is _that _clumsy." she said.

Melinda shrugged. "then call me no one." she lied, forcing a fake laugh. One well practiced.

"Me-"

"if you could excuse me, I'm tired and as you know, not well. So I need to get some sleep so I can get home with my dad soon. We're going fishing this weekend and it's been planned all month, I don't want to miss it." Melinda said, closing her eyes and laying back on her pillow.

For the nurse, this _would _continue.

When Melinda was allowed home 1 week later, she had to leave the hospital on her own, after her father made up the excuse that he was 'working'. She decided to go to school, because really, anything was better than going back home. She wasn't really dressed for the occasion, wearing a pair of jeans a hoody and some slip on sandshoes. Her hair was a curly mess and she had barely any make up on, only concealer on her bruises. She was aware that first, she had maths and then English, which just made her plain angry.

Sitting in the maths class at the very back, Melinda was scribbling on her jotter. The teacher was talking about Pythagoras' theorem and Melinda was more interested in keeping her eyes anywhere but the board. She heard the teacher stop and introduce someone, _great _she thought _a new person. _Melinda sighed and looked up. Beside her, about to sit down was a boy the same age as her. He looked at her through piercing blue eyes, his hair was messy, dark brown hair, well built. He sat down and placed his jotter in front of him. All over the front of the green jotter was stickers, the Beatles, the smiths, muse, mumford and sons and the drums. Melinda smiled a little, someone with the same music taste as her was not common. She went to go back to her work when she heard his voice.

"I hate maths." he said simply.

Melinda nodded and laughed "who doesn't."

"obiously that guy there" he said, pointing to the boy at the front of the class who was copying the board at record breaking speed. Melinda laughed louder than she intended to and that caught the teachers attention. "one more time Miss Gordon and you will be in detention."

When the teacher turned around, Melinda looked at the new boy.

"where you from?" she asked.

"Chicago," he said. "you know, the windy city."

Melinda smiled. "I've always wanted to go there."

"Miss Gordon" the teacher said, hearing her speaking "that's, it you're in detention. No speaking during my class." he said. Melinda always thought he had it in for her, he was always giving her into trouble for silly little things, just like her father.

"sorry" he whispered.

Melinda nodded and as she was about to turn around to go back to her scribbling when he laughed really loudly.

"Mr Clancy! You can join Miss Gordon in Detention!" he shouted.

Melinda smiled at him and he shrugged "too bad." he laughed.

The bell rung and just as they were leaving Jim stopped her. "I didn't catch your name." he said. Melinda smiled "Melinda Gordon…and I didn't catch yours either." she said.

"Jim Clancy."

"see ya around Jim Clancy" she said, walking away.

"yeah, you too Melinda Gordon."

**Welll it was short and uneventful (except for the fact that Jim was in it ;) ) but ill update either tomorrow or Sunday again! (:x **

**R E V I E W **

**R E V I E W **

**! x**


	5. Every rose has it's thorn

**OH EM GEE THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS ! **

**Oi! Miss anonymous you bitch you. Please don't be mean, it makes me sad *sniff sniff* or I will really actually just kill you in the dark cinema tonight and there will be no evidence pointing towards me…;) xxxxxx ily lindsaaaaaaaay x **

**Enjoy guys xxx **

Two days after Jim Clancy had met Melinda Gordon, he really just couldn't wait to go back to school and see her again. Every time she walked past him, or said something to him in maths or any of the other classes they were in together, he felt a strange sensation, he wanted to know more and more about her every time they were together. She was infectious, he needed her.

He walked into the school and there she was, standing at her locker. She was wearing a short sleeved rolling stones T-shirt over a long sleeved black shirt that stopped halfway up her thighs accompanied by ripped denim shorts with black tights and a pair of black converse. Her hair was tied up messily in a bun and she was wearing a black hair band. He slowly approached her and stood beside her, as she turned to see him, her books fell from her hands and they both fell to pick them up, banging their heads together as they did so.

They both laughed, but neither of them said a word, picking up the books, they locked eyes for a moment and stood up.

"I..I better go, I'm gonna be late for music." Melinda rushed, taking her books from Jim and stuffing them in her bag.

"thanks." she said, walking away quickly.

Jim smiled as she disappeared around the corner, He looked at his timetable and saw what his next class was. Music. He walked up the crowded stairs till he came to a room with a sign on thr front saying 'you are now entering music, have fun!' This was the only class he hadn't been to since he got here, and it was one of his favourite subjects.

When he walked inside, Melinda was the first thing he saw, or heard rather. She was standing near the piano playing a violin. She was playing what he recognised to be requiem: Lacrimosa by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, he'd always liked proper classical music and when he heard a song 90% of the time, he knew what it was. She stopped and turned the page of the book she was using over and started playing another song, this one, he didn't recognise, he smiled at the smoothness of the notes joined together, the way they all fell into place perfectly, he loved how perfectly the violin fit into Melinda's arms, how gracefully she moved the bow along the strings. Her eyes were closed, she was smiling. Everyone in the room was watching her and it was obvious that she was unaware of that. When she was done the mystery piece, everyone clapped and her face turned a bright shade of red.

The class left to go and get instruments and such and Jim walked up to the desk to introduce himself to the teacher, at the same time, Melinda walked towards the desk, too.

"Mrs Scott? I'm Jim…the new pupil.." he said shyly

"oh, Jim! Welcome! It's lovely to have you here, have you met Melinda yet? My ace pupil!" she chirped.

"yeah, we're in maths and English together." Melinda said quietly.

"okay, that's good. Anyway, what do you play and what grade are you at?" she asked.

Jim smiled at her chirpiness "I play piano and guitar." he said.

"well, today is your lucky day! Melinda, put your violin back, you're playing piano with Jim. What grade are you at?" she asked

"5" he replied.

"okay, off you guys go and get some scales done, I gotta go check on the rest of the class."

She left and Jim and Melinda were left standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"so…uh, lets get this done." she said.

He worked his way through the scales, learning new ones and playing old ones he'd learned a while back. He looked over at Melinda, who seemed to be lost in thought. She was staring blankly at the floor and her lips had formed a saddening frown. Jim stopped playing and looked at her closer. She was shaking a little and tears were forming in her eyes, but not falling over. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he felt like that was a little invasive, he'd only known her for about 2 hours and yet, she made him feel concerned and worried, like he'd known her for years. He was about to go back to playing when she took a teary breath and let out a little sob, she covered her face with her hands and turned so she wasn't facing him. Maybe rather than confronting her himself he should talk to the teacher and tell her that something was wrong with Melinda. Before he could leave the room to talk to her, she walked in the room carrying a bunch of books and placed them on her desk. By now, Melinda was crying a little more and thought she was hiding it from Jim. He looked over at the teacher and caught her attention then pointed at Melinda. Mrs scott gestured for him to leave the room and she took a seat next to Melinda when he had.

"Melinda what's wrong?" she asked.

"nothing." Melinda whispered.

Mrs Scott placed her hand on Melinda's back "Melinda, why are you crying?" she asked.

Melinda shrugged her shoulders and looked away from Mrs Scott.

"Melinda…"

"didn't't I already say I am okay? why are you so sure something is wrong with me? Nothing is wrong! nothing that you or any of the other teachers here can fix anyway! So just leave it! leave _me." _she cried. Mrs Scott winced at her outburst and nodded. "okay." she said. "James, you can come back in!" she shouted, walking back to her desk and starting with her marking.

Jim sat next to Melinda again and looked at her. "are you okay?" he asked. Melinda sighed and ran over to her bag, before the teacher could stop her she had left the room and was running down the corridor.

When Melinda got home, it was late. She'd spent hours crying in the woods, wondering how it got this far. How she had _let _it get this far. It was well past her curfew, and she'd missed work. It was dark and cold. The house was empty, Tom had obviously went out to the bar, and wouldn't be home till late. Or so Melinda had assumed. She ate a piece of toast and cleaned the kitchen and living room then walked up to her bedroom tiredly. She looked at the clock and sighed, it was 11pm and she was exhausted. She heard a noise coming from Toms room and she slowly made her way to his door. He was laying on the floor with a beer can tipped over next to him, spilled all over the white carpet. She sighed and picked the can up and put it in the bin, just then she felt something wrap around her ankle and before she could look down and see what it was, she was pulled to the ground with great force and her face smashed against the floor. She sat up and looked at Tom, who was glaring at her with such evil in his eyes. "where the hellave y….ouu been?" he slurred. "sorry, I lost track of time. I was at the woods and…" "you…I got a-a call fr..m your school, they said that…that you leftearly" he shouted "yeah, I was getting asked questions and…-" "I don't care. get up, go get up and get out of this room." he said, sitting up and pushing her away. She stumbled out of the room and she'd made it to the top of the stairs when he came charging towards her. He held both her shoulders and shook her violently, then spat at her face. "I didn't evenget anyyy dinner tonight. your fault! USELESS COW!" he screamed, letting her go and pushing her so that she tripped and went flying down the flight of stairs. She smashed against the floor with such force that it made a loud thump and then everything was silent. Tom had done many things to hurt Melinda, he'd burnt her, he'd punched her, he'd slapped her, he'd kicked her. But this, this was something he'd never done. This was something that even he was surprised about. He gasped at the sight of Melinda unconscious on the floor and something inside him ticked, he was suddenly pulled away into the past.

"_TOM GORDON! GET HERE RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" came a loud scream from the top of the stairs. Tom scrambled to his feet from the floor of the kitchen where he was scrubbing a stain away. He ran over to his drunk mother and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, knowing what was going to happen next. "get me more vodka, I'm out and while you are out you can try and get a job. I need money and I can't work at the moment." "okay." he whispered. Tom walked up the stairs to get his jacket from his bedroom, but as he reached the top step his mother pushed him back and he went flying down all 19 steps. _

**DUNDUNDUUUUUUN. **

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***blows kisses* loveyall x **


	6. Behind the hatred, was a true lost soul

Tom fell to his knees, face in his hands and as he was about to let out a sob, he heard Melinda speak. Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it was clear.

"I'm sorry."

God, he had hurt her countless times, he had done so many bad things, said so many horrid things..yet, she still felt the need to say sorry. But it wasn't her fault, it had never been her fault. She didn't ask for tom to be hurt as a child, she didn't cause the conflict, yet he _hated _her for what happened to him. That was wrong, so so wrong. He had once loved Melinda more than he thought humanly possible. He'd once held her in his arms and thought about how he'd raise her to be a pro soccer player and he'd cry when she went off to university. He'd thought about the boys shed fall in love with, the times she'd come home crying because a boy had hurt her, and he'd tell her how he'd hunt him down and give him such a beating he'd never look nice enough to get a girl as pretty as Melinda. And now, what had he become? A monster, a worthless monster, that didn't deserve love or happiness, because instead of having a daughter who loved him and looked up to him, he had a daughter who _feared _him. HE had turned her into a shell of her once so confident child.

He walked over to her and took her hand. "I'm sorry." he whispered. "god, what have I done to you."

He picked her up and carried her to her bed. "what hurts?" he asked through his tears. "my arm and head." she mumbled. He got a bag of peas out of the freezer and placed it on her head, unsure of what else would help. It was quiet, Melinda was taking deep breaths and he was staring into space, but she broke the silence.

"why?" came her small voice.

Tom turned around and faced her, she was staring at him, unshed tears filled her wide eyes. "why did you change? What happened?" she asked. Tom sighed. He knew he'd be asked this one day, and he knew that he would need to answer it. He turned to face her and as he went to take her hand, she pulled away. "when I was your age, my dad left my mom, he cheated on her. She was devastated, and I was left to watch her drink herself into oblivion. She started to turn against me, as if it was my fault that he left. And soon it got out of hand, she was…" he couldn't say it. It was so wrong, he was telling her about his life, how horrible it was even though he was doing just that to Melinda.

"hit you." she finished for him. "and finally, when I was 19, I ran away and I never really thought about where I was going. I met your mom in a diner, she was a waitress, I couldn't stop looking at her the first time I laid eyes on her, those huge eyes like yours, her silky dark brown hair she was the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen. Needless to say, we fell in love and had you. And about 5 years ago, I got a call saying my mom had taken ill, that I had to go and see her. I went hoping to patch things up, but she as still the same woman, unable to change. She brought back all the pain and fear and the torture id gone through. Hatred begun to seep right through me, every inch of my body, it was pure hatred. I wanted to hurt her, but I couldn't. and…I came back…Beth had cheated on me and well, you know the rest."

Melinda gasped, Tom had been through so much more than she had ever imagined, his life was just like hers, and for some strange reason, she felt sympathy towards him. It didn't make anything less wrong however, he was truly just as bad as his own mother .

"I think I need to get so a hospital." Melinda slurred as she started to feel woozy. "I wont tell them how it hap…happened, I p-promise." Tom nodded and placed his arm under her back to support her, just as she was being lifted up, Melinda's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she was pluged into the unwanted darkness.

Jim sat down in his seat in English and started to read over his notes for Macbeth. The room was silent and he noticed that someone was missing. Melinda. He really liked her, and he wanted to get to know her a lot more. He had never in his life believed in love at first sight, but the moment he saw Melinda, he got butterflies, his mouth went dry and his heartbeat sped up. The way she dressed, the music she liked, her smile…she was amazing, she wasn't like most girls, she didn't care what everyone thought about her, she liked the Beatles and The smiths instead of Ke$ha and N-dubs. She played piano like an angel and she was fine wearing her hair up in a messy bobble. He liked that about her.

When he heard a teacher, his head popped up and he listened to their conversation.

"oh god…what happened?.."

"she fell down the stairs I think. They don't know how she is yet, I think she is in a coma."

"…I know it's such a shame…"

"…yes…"

"okay bye."

Jim looked back at his work and wrote down a few answers. He wondered if maybe they were talking about Melinda, but he couldn't be sure.

-1 week later-

The word had gotten around that Melinda was in a coma in the local hospital, Jim couldn't stop thinking about when he had heard her play violin that day, how perfect she was at it. How she was so wrapped in the music, she hadn't noticed anyone staring at her.

"_Melinda Gordon" _he said, her name feeling just right in her mouth. "_you're perfect.'_


	7. All i know, all i ever knew, is falling

Jim walked sheepishly into the small hospital room. It had been exactly 1 week and 1 day since he'd found out Melinda was in a coma in mercy General. He had learned some of the details from doctors that talked around him when he'd managed to pretend he was her boyfriend so he could see her. She had fallen down the stairs. She had intracranial swelling and bleeding. She had a broken rib. They weren't sure how long she'd be out for. Her father had been accused of abuse.

Jims heart hurt for Melinda. She was a 16 year old girl, she loved music, she was beautiful and under the exterior was pain and conflict, a broken girl who knew nothing but the fear of her own father who should love her and protect her and care for her.

He had volunteered to take a card the class had signed to Melinda's room and leave it by her side. Anyone could have done it, someone who knew her better, someone who was her friend. But instead, he jumped at it before he could let anyone say a word. He wanted to see her face, because he missed it, and he wasn't really sure what it was about it he missed.

He was surprised to see Melinda's father sitting by her side reading a book. It was as if nothing had happened. Was he let off the hook? Did he really hurt her?

Jim placed the card on the table and cleared his throat to get Toms attention.

"and who are you?" he asked, looking up from his book.

Jim shifted from one foot to another anxiously and ran his hands through his newly washed hair. "uh…I-I'm Jim." he said quietly. He took a step back, scared of the man before him who he'd heard had hurt his own daughter.

"Well, clearly Melinda isn't in the position to be messed around with some little boy. Leave the card and go please, she needs her privacy."

"uh…okay." Jim mumbed shakily, and just as he was about to leave, he heard a familiar voice.

"d…dad?"

"oh! Melinda" Tom said, rushing to her side.

Jim raised his eyebrows. It must have been false accusations, why would he be so relieved if he had been the one to hurt her in the first place?

He smiled, knowing she was awake and thinking she was safe with her father, he waved at her and left the room to go home.

A few days passed and the latest was that she'd be back to school that day. Jim looked in his mirror and smiled at his newly cut hair. He'd been planning on asking her out, so he'd put extra effort into his outfit for this day. He was wearing a blue shirt, white pinstripes vertically down the torso, with a pair of skinny jeans and blue converse. He grabbed his bag and headed out the door, praying he'd see Melinda and that she'd say yes.

In music, she was quiet, she sat at the piano facing out the window, not one note did she play. Mrs Scott must have noticed too, she kept glancing at her, her face holding worry. She didn't go over to Melinda though, she didn't say anything to her, she just worried about her.

Jim knew it wasn't the right time, but then again, when was the right time? He walked over to Melindas seat and sat down beside her.

"are you okay?" he asked.

Melinda only nodded in response.

Jim grabbed her hand, not really thinking about it and made her turn around to look into his eyes.

He could have done this any other way, but his heart just wouldn't allow it, it was beating way to fast, screaming for him to ask.

" we should go out tonight." he blurted out.

Melinda gasped and looked down to her feet.

"I can't." she whispered. "I'm sorry…I just…can't."

Jim didn't take no for an answer though, he knew she liked him. There was that connection, when she looked into his eyes, the one you heard about in movies…it just _clicked into place. _

"please." he begged.

Melinda shrugged.

"okay." she mumbled. "I guess so."

Jim smiled and realised that he was holding onto her hand pretty tightly. He let go and blushed. "we can meet at the park, okay?" he said.

Melinda nodded. "okay." she replied.

The bell rung and Melinda walked sheepishly out of the room to get to her next class. She couldn't deny that she liked Jim, he was cute and he liked a lot of the same things as her. But she was scared, people only got let down, that's what she knew about life.

You fall in love, and you get let down. Plain and simple.

So, they were friends, nothing else, because it just wouldn't work.

She was in English, and she was halfway through writing a story which was about love, funny that. She didn't like writing, it wasn't her thing and the only reason she ever actually did it was for English, even the teacher had reminded her countless times that her grammar was just…off. She did love to read though, that's one thing she could do for hours and hours, get lost in a book. In someone elses life rather than her own.

English didn't last long and finally it was time to go home.

Since she'd gotten home from the hospital, Tom hadn't hurt her once. But it didn't mean he'd changed. Who knew how long it'd last?

She walked through the door of her house and wasn't surprised to find a drunk tom slouched over the kitchen table.

Slowly, she approached him and tapped his shoulder. He looked up her and sighed.

"you're home." he moaned.

Melinda nodded and took a step back. "I…uh, yeah." she stuttered.

Melinda begun to walk away and she heard him shout. "where do you think you're going?"

She whipped around and he stood up, knocking the chair over as he did. He stumbled towards her.

She wanted to run, but she couldn't, she was glued to the spot.

He pushed himself close to her so that she could feel his breath angst her face, beer and cigarettes.

"it's all your fault." he slurred, pushing her to the floor.

She really wanted to run, but she just couldn't move _anything. _

He knelt down beside her ad ran a hand up her arm.

"you know, you look a lot like your mom."

Melinda shivered under his touch.

He gripped her T-shirt and started to pull it up. She started to thrash.

"no" she mumbled. "you can't…no, please."

Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she shook violently.

"you gave me no choice." he spat. Throwing her Tshirt across the room.

Melinda let out a loud sob and screamed. "NO! HELP PLEASE GET HIM OFF ME! PLEASE!"

He didn't get off her though.

And once he had finished with her, he left her laying half naked on the living room floor, screaming louder than she ever had before.

She _needed _to get out.

**PLEASE REVIEW. **


	8. You are the only exception

Melinda stopped crying and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 7:40pm and she had told Jim she would meet him at 8. She knew she should go to bed, but instead, she just wanted to leave. She quickly dunked under the shower without washing her hair and pulled a huge hoody on with a pair of gray jogging bottoms and black trainers. She applied some make up and ran out of the house before Tom got in.

She walked along the dark isolated road behind her house, breathing in the cold autumn air. She shivered and put her hands into her hoody. When she got to the end of the road, she saw the park in the middle of the grassy field. Beside the slides, Jim was sitting on a swing. Melinda walked over to him slowly and smiled as she approached him, trying to seem as 'okay' as possible.

"sorry, I'm late. I was watching a show." she said.

Jim smiled and nodded "that's okay." he said, standing up. "I want to take you somewhere." he said, taking her arm and leading her into the large collection of trees by the side of the road. The forest was creepy at night, pitch black and filled with hundreds of noise-making animals. When they neared the end of the forest, it led to a large hill. They treaded up to the top, breathing in the cold night air as they did, by the time they got to the top, they were both out of breath.

"okay, here goes." he said, pulling her over to the side of the patch of grass where a small picnic set sat. Melinda gasped "well…um, this is for us?" she asked. Jim nodded "I don't know why I did this." he blushed. "its good, its…lovely."

They sat down on the blanket and Melinda smiled at the view from the hill, miles and miles of lit up houses, sparkling like a blanket of diamonds before them. "how did you find this place? You just got here." Melinda said. Jim shrugged, "went a walk and just saw it, isn't it nice?" he asked. Melinda nodded and took a strawberry from the lay out in front of her.

"can I ask you something?" Jim asked quietly, edging closer to her.

She shrugged her shoulders and looked down to the ground, something he noticed she done a lot, obviously not an eye contact person.

"whats wrong with you?" he asked.

Melinda shook her head and looked at him. "my mom left this year, its hard." she lied, well it was hard, but not nearly as hard as what was actually happening behind closed doors.

"oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." Jim said.

"it's….fine."

Melinda shook her head. "I…I'm sorry, I need to go home…I need to ge-"

"stop, please." he said, grabbing her wrist.

"sit down Melinda, talk to me, have a good night…forget about life.." he said. Melinda nodded and sat down next to him.

Suddenly from above them, the clouds let loose. Rain poured from the sky so hard, it hurt when it hit their cold skin, but a good pain. Melinda looked up to the dark sky and smiled as the refreshing raindrops hit her face. "Melinda." Jim said, she turned around to face him, her hair was stuck to her face, her clothes attached soaked to her skin. "w-" Jim just took the risk. He moved forward and plunged his lips onto hers. He waited on her pulling away and the crushing disappointment that would come…but it didn't, she kissed him back. Their mouths opened, their tongues danced, their heart rate sped up by a thousand more beats than they should've been.

When she pulled away and looked at him, both confused and surprised, he smiled at her and touched her hand.

"how does it feel to say that you kissed someone in the rain?" he asked. Melinda let out a little laugh. "why did…you do tht?" she asked, her voice quiet. "because, you're simply the most amazing person I've met." he said. Melinda smiled and stood up quickly. She couldn't be with him, she just couldn't. he'd find out about her secret and hed tell people and then, Melinda's life would be _over. _not that it wasn't already.

Before Jim could evn question here she was running away down the muddy hill, and her foot slid, she fell to the ground, getting covered in the wet mud below her, she felt Jims hand in hers and he tried to pull her up, but instead, he slid on the mud, falling to the ground beside Melinda. For th first time in months, she let out a genuine laugh.

Maybe she could do this? Maybe he really _did _care?

This time Melinda made the move, she pushed him to the ground and leaned over, kissing him on the lips softly. She smiled against the warm scent of peppermint. She could smell his aftershave, one she recognised from her father. Yet, it didn't phase her, it didn't remind her of him, it just made her feel…safe.

She didn't care that they were rolling around in a puddle of mud, she didn't care that if someone saw them they'd become a complete laughing stock. She _didn't care. _"Jim." she whispered when she'd finally found the strength to pull away. "what?" he asked, she took his hand. "please just…don't hurt me." she said simply, standing up and hugging him. He nodded against her. "I promise." he whispered against the strawberry smell of her hair.

"I _promise." _

_**Well? **_

_**Review? **_

_**Please x **_


	9. Do you see me, or the mask i put on?

_I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. _Melinda turned on the shower and gripped the bathroom sink, taking deep breaths. She was used to saying it, but not once did she really mean it. Although she said that she was okay, that she was holding up well, she really felt like while she painted a smile on her face day by day, the foundations she was standing on were falling to pieces and with every piece that broke, it washed away a little of her not-so-permanent smile with it. She stood in the shower and raised her head to the spray, water she had made so hot it raised red welts, stole breaths, steamed windows. She counted to ten and stood back to stand naked and dripping in front of the mirror to study herself. Her hair was stuck to her neck in tangled ropes and her skin was a pale canvas covered in reds, blues blacks and purples. She was too small, under 100lbs and it disgusted her to see the way her ribs pushed against her skin, the way her bones jutted out in unnatural places. When Melinda looked into the mirror, she didn't see what other people saw, she didn't see what was painted over it, instead, she saw what was underneath. Melinda understood how she had to act, she had to smile, she had to laugh, she had to move on like her life held no pain, but she often wondered what would happen if se let anyone in on her secret, that some mornings it was hard to even get out of bed, to paint on someone else's smile. That she was standing on air, A fake who smiled, who laughed at the right times, a fake who sometimes forgot how to feel real feelings, a fake who had almost forgotten what it felt like to be honest with herself, who had truly forgot who she was, the real Melinda, the old one.

Melinda considered her life as a room. It was a sumptuous room, sure, a room that seemed welcome to those around her. But it was also a room in which there really was no escape. Either she was someone she didn't't want to be, or she was someone no one wanted. She didn't't get the choice though, in some ways she was who everyone wanted her to be, but there would always be 2 people who wouldn't want her, no matter how much she changed for them, the two people who should love and care for her the most in the world, he parents.

She felt physically sick by herself, most days she covered up the mirrors with sheets so she didn't't need to see the face that made her gag and want to cry. She somehow hated herself even more than the root of all of this. Tom.

When she was dressed for school, she slowly made her way through the woods. She knew she'd be late for school, but at that moment, she really didn't care. She just wanted to be alone. She walked into the school building, as she'd guessed -20 minutes late. She dragged her feet up to music and pushed the door open with her sore arm. She thought that seeing Jim would cheer her up, but today she just wasn't in the mood for _anything. _She walked past Jim and sat on her seat at the back of the room, falling down on the seat hard. Jim looked up to the back of the class just as she laid her head down on the table, planning on staying that way for the whole period. He stood up and sat beside her, not sure what to say. "Melinda, are you okay?" he asked.

"_go away." _she mumbled.

Jim sighed and, not wanting to annoy her further, he walked back to his seat.

As soon as Mrs Scott walked into the class, she noticed Melinda up the back. She knew that there was no point in addressing her, so she told everyone what to do and went back to her marking. Everyone moved from their seats. Everyone except Melinda. She sighed and ignored it. She then looked over to Jim, who was glancing from his music to the back of the room where Melinda sat, every couple of minutes.

She gestured for Jim to follow her into the hall.

"Do you know what is wrong with Melinda?" she asked him.

"I don't know…I really don't." he said sadly.

"well, I'f you see anything…let me know, okay?" she said.

Jim nodded and walked back into the classroom.

"oh my god, Melindaa?" he shouted.

She was laying on the floor face down, Mrs Scott ran up to the back of the room with Jim and shook her shoulder. "Melinda?" she called.

Melina groaned and opened her eyes a little. "w-…huh?"

"Melinda, are you okay?" Mrs Scot asked.

Melinda shook her head. "can I get…something to drink or something, I forgot to eat breakfast."

Mrs Scott helped her up and supported her over to a seat while she got her some sugary substance to raise her blood sugars.

"Melinda, you're going to have to eat breakfast more, this isn't the first time this has happened." she said sternly, handing her a glass of coke.

"I know…I just never have time in the morning." she mumbled, taking a drink.

"that's okay, but its just…you're not looking well these days and it's evident that you've lost weight. I just want to make sure that you're eating okay…are you?" she asked.

Melinda nodded. "course." she replied quietly. "high metabolism they call it." she lied and before the teacher could reply, she stood up and walked out of the room.

"I wish I could help her." Mrs Scott said to herself quietly.

**BAD ENDING. **

**Please review though. **

**X **


	10. this is all to familiar, all to familiar

"_you've lost weight." _

_Melinda shook her head and sighed. "No, I Haven't." she replied to her worried boyfriend. _

_She hadn't seen him at all the past two weeks, her father had left town and hadn't left money or food. When he left, he locked the doors and windows so that she couldn't get out, it had been torture for fighting back and calling him a psyco. Her fault. _She sighed and picked her last book out of her locker, forcing it into her full bag, causing it to break and everything to fall to the floor. She fell to her knees and forced everything back into her bag, giving a frustrated sigh as she managed to pick the last few books up. As Jim tried to help her up she pulled away and sighed.

"Leave me alone!" she snapped, slamming her locker door shut and walking fast down the corridor.

She slept nearly the whole way through most of her classes and considered not going to music, but that'd just be another fight when she got the phonecall. She just couldn't be bothered with _anything _anymore.

"okay, let's hear the song you've been practicing lately." Mrs Scott said, trying to ignore Melinda's despondent mood. She pulled a book from her bag and placed it on the piano, not saying a word nor looking at the teacher.

"_**When you try your best, but you don't succeed.**_

_**When you get what you want, but not what you need. **_

_**When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. **_

_**Stuck in reverse." **_

Mrs Scott stopped playing the piano and wrote some notes on the book. "you were a little flat on the 'reverse'" she said, marking it down for Melinda to remember. "go straight to the chorus."

"_**Lights will guide you home **_

_**And ignite your bones **_

_**And I will try to fix you." **_

"a little wrong on the 'lights'" she said, again marking it down. Melinda sighed and nodded. "can we try something different?" she asked "I get that this one doesn't work."

Mrs Scott shook her head "it's a lovely song for your voice, I'm just saying…"

"please, just…try yellow, it's in the other coldplay book." Melinda said, handing the book over.

"okay, one two three four…"

" _**look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things you do, yeah they were all yellow…" **_

"this one wont work either, maybe singing is not for me.." Melinda said, stopping mid song.

"Melinda, don't put yourself down, you're doing great." she said.

"Can I just work on my dissertation please?" she asked.

Mrs Scott nodded and sighed "sure." she mumbled, handing Melinda the book they'd been using.

Melinda took a seat next to Jim and pulled her sheets out of her bag. "you okay?" he asked.

Melinda turned away from him and nodded.

He put his hand on her back and moved closer, "Melinda?" he asked.

"I'm fine." she whispered tearfully.

"Melinda, you're not, you're sad, you've been off for two weeks and come back like…a lot thinner and a lot quieter." he said.

"that has nothing to do with you, god! Why is everyone so nosey around here?" she asked.

"I'm not…I'm just worried…"

"I know…I'm...I'm sorry, it's just…god, I'm a total train wreck." she said taking his hand.

"I really like you Jim, and I don't want to hurt you…maybe it would be easier if we didn't stay together, you'll only end up hating me…everyone else does…" she said gently.

Jim shook his head furiously "no, Melinda. You won't, please say with me, I'll make you happy…" he said. Gripping her hand tighter. She sighed and nodded "I know…that's what scares me." she whispered, standing up and leaving the room to go to the bathroom.

She was scared that she'd get carried away, become loved…love someone…and she'd end up having it all taken away by the one man who could take EVERYTHING away from her. She was scared to be happy because she _knew _it wouldn't last forever.

After cleaning herself up and going back to class, she pretended to get back to her work, all the while thinking about what Jim had said. He'd sounded so genuine, like he really did like her, care for her more than she had ever been cared for. She wanted to ask him what it was about her that he liked, what it was about this mess of a girl he actually wanted. Who wanted the useless girl really? And if anyone did…there had to be a reason, right?

She handed in her work for the day and walked home alone, along the iced up forest. Melinda used to love Winter, the way the leaves that had fallen from autumn had frozen over and crunched under her feet as she walked, the way the snow came and landed like a blanket over the town, the holidays, the joy. Now, it annoyed her, why hadn't she noticed the bad stuff before, the bitter temperature, the slidy ground, the annoying snowballs hitting her face when she walked past a crowd of people, the sludgy snow…everything annoyed her.

She got into the house and took her shoes and coat off, stepping into the living room and sitting down on the sofa exhaustedly. She laid down and closed her eyes, and the next thing she knew, someone was tapping her shoulder. She jumped up and gasped. "I…sorry, I-"

"it's okay." Tom said, taking a sip of his can of soda. "go to your bed, I'll order in my dinner." he said, sitting down on the other sofa.

Melinda stood up to leave and he stopped her. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I don't know why I did it.."

Melinda shrugged her shoulders…"what?" she asked quietly.

"before I left, I…you know….and….I never meant it….I wasn't me." he said.

Melinda thought back to the night that her _own _father had raped her. She shivered and shook her head "just leave it." she said bitterly "you're not sorry, Tom. Not really and you'll never love me like you should. You're not my dad, you're just the man who has put me through months of pain." she said "I'll never be happy because of you, never fall in love like I want to, I'll never go to college because my grades are so low." she whispered. "I'll never be who I once was or aspired to be. And It's all because of you." she snapped, before running up the stairs.

Tom let out a sob and threw his can against the wall. He was a monster.

He didn't remember what had happened fully that day, most of the time he didn't remember attacking her. It was like at the time he wasn't _him. _

Melinda fell down on her bed and closed her eyes, letting herself drift away, thinking about what might have been. Melinda hated the phrase 'what if?' because….well, there was no changing what had happened and she'd never ever get the things she wanted _if _tom Hadn't changed. But today, she couldn't stop thinking about 'what if he had stayed away.' She thought about how she'd be happy, she'd be healthy, she'd have friends and a _mother. _She'd have someone to share secrets with, to have laughs with, she'd have someone to help her when it seemed hard. She would know what love was, she'd be moving on with her life, getting ready to study for her finals and choose which college she'd go to. But Tom wouldn't let her move, she could never leave him to fend for himself, she'd always be trapped in his world.

She didn't sleep, she tossed and turned, and at 3am, she started to cry about anything she could. It made her feel worse, with every negative thing she thought of came another 10 negative thing. Then she thought of Jim, the boy who liked her regardless of how useless she was to the rest of the world, she thought of Miss Scott, the teacher who asked her every day how she was, who looked at her like she actually cared. She thought about telling them, how they'd react, how they'd look at her. She thought about _escape_, running away somewhere far away, making a new life for herself. She thought about how her life could turn around if she told them, but then she thought about the reality. There was really no way out.

_**Review?xxxxxxx**_


	11. Tied together with a smile

**Okay first of all, WOWEE to the reviews ive hadd on this story! ****J and 2****nd**** of all, little silver rose THANKs for reviewing every chapter!x and last, but not least, I understand the last couple of chapters have been rather uneventful, but you just wait, the next chapter is what yall have been waiting for :D xxxx loveyous **

Warm water fell over Melinda's body, scalding new cuts and taking blood with it. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the burning that the water caused, the pain was so raw it made her shake to the bone. This time, it wasn't caused by Tom.

She had gotten into a fight at school, she was in a bad mood and shouted at the wrong person, 3 girls a couple of years older than her ganged up and attacked her, she could barely defend herself. She got a lift home from a teacher and was suspended even though it wasn't her fault at all.

After stepping out of the shower and wiping at her bruised face, she pulled on a large T-shirt and shorts and made her way down to the empty living room. She sat down and put her head in her hands. She sat like that for around 40 minutes, but she was disturbed by a knock at the door.

Cautiously, she walked over to the window and peaked out of the curtains. Standing at the door was Mrs Scott. She turned around to face the window and Melinda closed the curtain quick.

"Melinda," she heard "I know you're in there, I saw you."

She sighed and walked over to the door, slowly opening it slightly and peaking outside.

"Hi miss." she mumbled. "my dad isn't home."

Mrs Scott smiled softly, "can I come in please, I need to talk to you."

Melinda shook her head "I don't think that is the best idea, Miss." she whispered.

"Melinda, please." she said, frowning.

Melinda shook her head again and closed the door, turning round so she was leaning against it and sliding down to the floor, crying.

Mrs Scott stood there for a minute, hoping Melinda would change her mind. But she didn't.

Tom arrived home a little after 5pm, he had hoped for dinner to be waiting for him, but the house was empty and quiet. He picked up his phone and dialled Melinda's number, but she didn't answer. "god, Melinda! Why the hell would you do this?" he shouted frustrated. He turned on the answer machine and listned to the messages.

'_hello, Mr Gordon. This is Mr Brown, the head teacher from your daughters school. I am sorry to inform you that Melinda got int a fight today and we had no choice other than to suspend her for the week. We need to arrange a meeting time for you to come down and have a chat with us, and granted that this is the first time Melinda has been in trouble, It wont look to bad on her school record. Please call the number back before 4pm or tomorrow, thanks.' _

_**Message 2. **_

'_hello, this is Grandview social services calling for a Mr Tom Gordon, we will be around tomorrow afternoon for a home visit, thanks.' _

_**Message 3. **_

'_hello, this is Mrs Scott From Melinda's school, I was hoping to have a chat with you, Mr Gordon at some point this week, please call and arange a time for me, okay bye.' _

Tom sighed and deleted the messages, as per usual, Melinda was failing at something.

Meanwhile, Melinda was sitting on a swing at the park about 20 minutes away from the house. It was a freezing night, and she was only wearing a t-shirt with short sleeves and light trousers. She was shivering to the bone and her belly was rumbling for food. She didn't want to go home, no matter how much trouble she'd get into for It. She wanted to stay out here all night, because no matter how cold she was, no matter how hungry she was…it was still one hundred times better than going home. She came off the swing and laid down under a bridge, maybe it would be better if she just stayed outside here for the night.

She must have dosed off -regardless of the solid ground and the hard kerb she was leaning against- because when she opened her eyes it was light, the birds were chirping in the trees. She groaned at her aching back and sat up. She stood up and stretched. It was Saturday, so no school which was pretty much a great thing because she just couldn't face the questions. She reached In her pocket and pulled out a wad of $10 bills that she'd stole from her father. She smiled and walked into the town, where the shops were all just opening. She knew she had to work at 2pm and she couldn't go in looking like this, so she decided to jump into the mall and buy a new outfit and breakfast. She walked into Guess and picked up a pair of $100 jeans, she counted through her money, there was $550 there, so she had enough for something nice. The jeans had rips up the legs, they were light blue and skinny fit. She looked through the sizes and found a size 2, hoping it would fit she threw them in the basket. She decided to wait and go to other shops for T-shirts and shoes. She paid for the jeans and left the shop to head to another.

After searching through another few shops and finding 3 plain blue T-shirts and a pair of white ballet-style shoes, she sighed at how little she had bought.

She went to The small diner outside the mall and got herself a full English style breakfast and a cup of tea, filling her up and making her feel 100 timmes better.

After she ate, she jumped on a bus to the bigger mall closer to the city. She got 2 jumpers out of Abercrombie and Fitch and 4 different styled t shirts from Garage. She bought some really nice bra's and underwear from La senza and after counting the $170 she had left, she decided to get her hair done. She jumped into a salon and luckily there was a space for her to fit in. She decided to go for a different look, black with a tint of purple, side fringe, layers and shoulder length.

When it was finished, she handed them the money and gasped at how different she looked. She loved it.

At 1.15pm, she decided to head back home to go to work, she jumped into a public toilet and pulled on the skinny's with the black boots she'd picked up, she paired them with a rolling stones T-shirt and black Abercrombie and Fitch Jumper. She took a deep breath and smiled at her new look.

When she arrived at work, everyone gasped at how different she looked. "God Melinda," Andrea said "you been spending all your college fund?" she joked. Melinda laughed and shook her head "nah, just some money I saved up." she said, pulling on an apron and cleaning up a few tables. She heard the door bell go and turned around to see Jim Entering. She smiled and ran over to him. "hey baby," she said kissing him and taking his hand.

Jim gasped "oh, my god. Are you okay? I wanted to check that everything was okay after yesterday…I see you've been doing a little retail therapy." he laughed "you look really happy." he stated, kissing her lips softly.

"I'm _always _happy." she laughed, sitting him down on a seat and handing him a menu. "have whatever you want, on me." she said. Jim looked through and handed her back the menu "pancakes, bacon, orange juice and coffee." he said "are you joining me?" he asked.

"depends if I can get a break, but I'll beg." she said.

10 minutes later, his breakfast was ready and she took a seat across from him at the table. "you look happy." he stated, taking a bite of his pancake.

Melinda smiled and nodded. But she wasn't happy, not really. She had just decided that she'd had enough of being the 'depressed' girl. So, from now on, she was _happy. _

"Melinda, what happened with those girls?" he asked.

Melinda sighed and stood up "I need to get back to work, and I don't particularly want to talk about getting attacked off of a bunch of sluts." she said. "sorry, but its really not the time."

Jim nodded and went took her hand "I'm always here." he said.

Melinda nodded and tightened her grip.

"I know that."

**Well, I didn't really like that chapter at all, but I decided just to go ahead with it. I know nothing exciting has happened over the past 2 chaps, but soon there will be a major part so watch out ;) xxx **


	12. But you're coming undone

**I've decided that because Fearless with you was in Melinda's point of view, I should make a few chapters of this Mel's point of view. Oh, and there was something I needed to ask you all, ****Why do you think I called it Who Will Stop The Rain?xxx **

I was about ready to give up on being happy. It had been a week, and funny thing is…people still asked questions. The social services had been round to the house and tom had worked his magic to pretend life in the house was amazing. They did comment on my weight though, asking him if he ever witnessed me throwing food away and hiding it, things like that. He told them that he'd had his suspicions, but that wasn't fair. I don't have an eating disorder, I'd love to eat and put on weight, but I do have a father who starves me, not that I could admit that. So, I was sent to the doctors, where he gave me into trouble for 'putting my body through this' and he gave me a diet plan, told me that if I didn't improve within a week, then I'd be put in hospital. I knew though that I wouldn't be back at the doctors the next week, Tom would never allow that.

It was 5pm and I was getting ready to go out and meet Jim, even thought I really wasn't in the mood to see anyone, not even the one person who actually made me feel wanted. I wasn't that bothered about my appearance, just wearing jeans and a zipper and pretty much no make up. I sighed and rubbed my sore head and left the empty house to meet Jim at the park.

The next couple of hours were spent laying on a grassy hill in each others arms looking up at the stars. I could tell that Jim was a little worried because I hadn't said a word other than 'hello'. But I just didn't feel like talking, I was feeling like utter crap.

At 9pm, we were walking through the forest and jim took my hand and turned me around to face him. "I know it's not been that long, Melinda. But, I really like you…and I hope this lasts a long time." he said, kissing my cheek. I looked down at my feet and let out a sigh. I couldn't lead him on like this, he'd be broken when I couldn't see him anymore.

I started to run away, but he grabbed my arm to stop me getting away, I whipped around to face him and shook my head vigorously. I couldn't do it anymore. I fell to the floor with my head in upturned palms breathing deeply. Jim kneeled in front of me and touched my arm. I pulled away from his touch and looked up to him, tears forming In my eyes. I couldn't even think straight.

"I…I am s-sorry." I stuttered, the tears falling down my cheeks and landing on my lap.

"what for? What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair and took a teary breath. "I just ca…can't do this."

Jim shook his head. In his eyes, I could really see the pain. "do what?"

"us…we…I….it's just not the right time, I can't be with you." I managed.

Jim gasped and shook his head "no, you…you can, that's what you said, you said you could do it." he muttered.

"it's different now."

Jim shook his head. "you said…and I promised…you asked me not to hurt you…and I didn't, I did anything but that…and now…"

I stood up against the fact that I felt like I was going to fall to the floor. "it's just not the right time." I mumbled.

"when will it be the right time, Melinda? Because it doesn't seem like there there'll ever be a right time." he yelled.

"its not about that, its not about you, and its not about the time…we aren't meant to be."

"Yes," he shouted, grabbing my arm as he did so "yes, we are. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you and I'm not one for love at first sight."

God, I knew he was being honest, but I just _couldn't _do this. I had to lie, anything. "its…I just can't."

"Melinda! Open your eyes! What you have, a family, your music, it's amazing! I never see you smile, why is that? You should be happy, and all I want to do is _make _you happy." he yelled.

I felt fear rise through me, fear and anger. Taking a step back, I took a shaky breath "it's impossible." I whispered.

"what?"

I took a nervous breath and fidgeted with my violently shaking hands. "being…h-happy."

"why is that? Melinda, why are you so sad? Theres nothing to be sad about-"

And I snapped."Don't you say that!" I yelled, louder than I even knew my voice could go. "you don't know a thing about my life! You try being in my shoes for one minute Jim! You try waking up every day wondering if you really were the reason your mom walked away and left you with the monster of a father…you try being a slave to your own father, if something is off, you get punched, thrown to the floor. God! You try waking up everyday and feeling that utter disappointment that you actually HAVE to wake up. _you try wishing that -more than anything in the world- you could be dead. Because then EVERYONE would be happier!" _I screamed, my voice cracking on the last word as I realised what I'd just said. Jim stepped back in shock and shook his head. "no." he gasped.

"why…didn't you tell me."

"this is why. Because now I'm the poor unfortunate abused little girl, who will end up in social care, in kids home without any love for the rest of my life."

Jim wrapped his arms around me, I tried to fight to get away from him but he only held me tighter in

return. That's when my resolve crumbled and I fell to the ground in his arms crying.

"Melinda…" he said when I was only left with sniffles, I nodded and looked up at him, "we need to tell someone."

I shook my head and let out a sob "NO!"I shouted "he'll Kill me."

"Melinda, we have to…you need to get out of there. I cant live with myself knowing that you're in that hell hole."

"Jim." she said gently, taking his hand. "promise me you wont tell?"

Jim nodded, and even though he knew how stupid he was being, he agreed. "I promise."

**Silly ending, but heyho. What yall have been waiting for, right?**


	13. I'm falling apart, barely breathing

**Sorry, I haven't updated in a bit. I got barely any reviews on the last two chaps. Sadface. But I got reviews. Happy face. Thanks (: Anyway, I wont be updating as regularly as normal because I'm a busybusy bee. **

**So, enjoy! Xxxxxxxx**

While Jim walked Melinda home that night, he was shaking with fear for what would happen when she stepped through the door of her house. He wanted to grip her hand and never let her go, because then she'd be safe. His stomach was in knots, and he knew that the moment he stepped into his house, he'd end up throwing up. How could anyone keep a secret like this? How could he live with a secret that was eating him on the inside, it was creating a feeling heavier than a rock in his stomach. How could he sleep or eat or _think _knowing that Melinda could be getting hurt at any moment.

He kissed her goodbye and watched with tears in his eyes as she disappeared into her house. He wanted to stand there and listen for any shouting or crying, but instead he walked home, knowing that he couldn't keep it in forever.

When he got home, as he had suspected, the first thing he did was run to the bathroom and throw up. It was like the secret was _screaming _to get out of him. After being sick, he walked into the living room where his mother was asleep on the sofa. He stopped and looked at her, sighing as he realised how lucky he was. He had thought his life was hard. He had suffered loss and pain. But compared to what Melinda was going through..he felt like the luckiest boy alive.

His father and brother had died…but they died _loving _him. His Mother _loved _him every day. And there was Melinda. Her mother left her with a father who _hurt _her and he _hated _her. He couldn't imagine living a life where the people who should love him, didn't.

He shook his mothers shoulder and she opened her eyes. "hi James." she whispered sleepily. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "you're home late. Did you have a good night with Melinda?" she asked.

Jim sighed and tried his best to hold back tears, but he couldn't. "I don't know what to do, mom." he whispered.

She gave him a worried glance and nodded in hope for him to continue.

"she's so low. She barely said a word. She was really…far away." he mumbled.

"Do you have _any _idea what might be wrong with her?" she asked.

"no…" he lied. "no, mom. I don't."

**Melinda's Point of view. **

I didn't mean to tell him. I didn't. I didn't. I felt suffocated. I felt sick. I felt _wrong. _There was no relief from telling him…just _fear. _I laid down on me bed and took a few shaky breaths. I couldn't really think straight, my mind was all over the place, coming up with scenarios of what would happen if Jim told anyone my secret. I was suddenly aware that I was shaking and I felt really breathless. I felt really…_terrified. _I ran to my bathroom and turned on the cold water and splashed my face with it. I savoured the feeling it brought as it pulled me out of my terrified state. And I fell to the floor.

I felt really numb, but I managed to pull myself up from the heap I'd formed. I ripped off my clothes and stood in front of the mirror. I felt _repulsed _by myself. By my weight. By my life. I started pulling my nails across my skin, causing fresh blood to appear. I cried and screamed as I dragged my sharp nails across my smooth skin. And the pain that _I had caused _felt good. It felt _right. _

I felt dizzy and sick when I opened my eyes and realised I was laying on the floor of the bathroom. I picked my phone up and gasped as I noticed it was no longer night time, but the next day. I could barely stand up, but I _had _to go to school. To monitor Jim and see he wouldn't tell anyone.

**IK I finished it real quick. But I was desperate to update and I'm not feeling great at all today so I just decided to leave it where it is and post it. SORRY x**


	14. Turn it off

**Thanks for reviewing. Made me smile. Here's the new chap. Enjoy. **

_**What a shame we all became such fragile broken things. **_

I pressed my finger down on the c key. Instead of calming me down, the music confused me. It sounded different than normal, like it didn't quite fit where the small white key was placed. Normally, my hands would be zooming up and down the smooth keys. But I just kept on pressing down on the c, seeing if it would sound different. Why did it sound so…dull? I was lost in my theories, the piano was out of tune, I wasn't pressing the right key, they'd replaced the piano…When Mrs Scott tapped on my shoulder. "aren't you going to play anything other than a C?" she asked, sitting next to me. I shook my head and looked at her, confused. "it sounds different." I stated quietly. She pressed down and shook her head, "nope, same note." she said. "no," I said "it's not…there's something…off?" I said. Again, she pressed down on the key, quite a few times and shook her head. "no, Melinda. It's a C. Sounds the exact same." she said, giving me a concerned look.

Was it me? Were all my problems slowly seeping out into things that I love? Affecting things that I normally found comfort in? Was my mind so dull and blank that It just wouldn't let colour in?

"oh, yeah. I hear it now." I lied, looking down and the keys and pressing down on the C, which still sounded dull and flat.

I didn't want to even try and play any songs. I knew that nothing would make sense…like a story without adjectives or good punctuation. I stood up slowly and walked towards my bag. I felt really sick and everything around me was just a blur. But, then I saw it. Jim slowly walking up to Mrs Scott and starting to talk quietly. I had to do something. He _couldn't _tell her.

So, I threw myself to the floor and closed my eyes, knowing they would stop talking and run towards me. I could hear Mrs Scott gasping and Jim calling my name.

I groaned and opened my eyes to see Jim and Mrs Scott kneeling next to me.

"should we get the nurse?" Jim asked.

"no…" I whispered, making my voice as shaky as I could. "no, I'm okay."

I sat up and glared at Jim. "Melinda, come on. Don't look at me like tha.."

"leave me alone." I whispered, standing up to my feet and sighing.

"Melinda, do you feel okay?" Mrs scott intruded, trying to ignore the tension.

"yeah, I'm fine." I mumbled.

"no, you're not Melinda, and you know I-" "Jim! Will you just _leave me the __**hell **__alone!" _I screamed, grabbing my bag and running out of the classroom.

I ran through the corridors and out of the school into the woods. I fell to my knees, gasping for air as I cradled my head In my hands.

All I kept thinking was _he's going to tell her, he's going to tell her, he's going to tell her, he…_My head was sore from all the thoughts whirling around in it. Beside me, I saw my pencil that had fallen out of my pocket. The end was still sharp. I remembered how I felt when I'd cut my skin with my nails. I felt in control, I felt _free. _I picked the pencil up and dragged the sharp let across my arm, watching blood fill the line it made. The blood was my pain, and the cut was making all of the pain fall from my body. Leaving me numb. Amazingly numb.

I was used to feeling this way, numb. Because it was how I went about my life. I wasn't ever really there. I was watching the person who I'd become from outside my body. I can't say that's a bad thing, because often when I was numb, I didn't need to feel any of the bad things. But I never got to feel anything good either.

I stayed on the cold, wet floor of the forest until it was dark. I dragged myself home against how weak I felt. I knew that Tom would be mad. But as I said, numb.

As soon as I walked through the door, he flew at me. He pushed me against the wall and held my neck tight with his strong hands.

"Where the _fuck _have you been?" he shouted.

I gasped and choked "t..the forest."

"Well, you were supposed to be at work! And now, I get into trouble because you never showed up!"

And that was when I decided.

There was no point at all in living.

Nothing. _Nothing _was keeping me here.

_**And the worst part is, before it get's any better we're headed for a cliff. **_

_**And in the freefall I realise I'm better off, when I hit the bottom. **_

"I fucking _hate _you." I snarled, spitting at him. Ensuring it'd make him more angry.

He pushed me harder against the wall and gave me the most evil of looks.

"_**did you just shout back at me?" **_

I smiled at him and nodded. "yes, I guess I did."

Tom lifted me off the ground by the neck and, although it hurt like hell, I loved that this would finally be the end. All I could think while he threw me to the floor and kicked into me was, _no more pain. _

And not long after that thought. My world fell into darkness. Sweet, welcome, darkness.

**Another short chapter. I really do apologise, when I get back on my feet they'll be back to bigger lengths again. Love you guys x **


	15. misguided ghosts, travelling endlessly

All that went through Jim's mind the whole way through music class was _Melinda. _The longest week it seemed of his life had passed, and he knew every minute of those 7 days, what was happening to her. It made him sick that he had managed to keep this a secret, it was weighing him down though. She wasn't in school, she wouldn't answer her phone…something _had _to be wrong. That was it.

He walked up to the teachers desk when the bell rung and ran a hand through his hair. This was something he'd promised he wouldn't do…but he _had _to.

"Miss…I need help." he mumbled. She looked up at him from her work "with what?" she asked. Jim sighed and thought about what he was about to say. "well…you know how you asked me to let you know if…uh….something is wrong with Melinda?" he asked, his voice shaking with nerves. "yes?" she said, suddenly a little alarmed. "well…uh, she asked me not to say anything, gosh she actually begged me and I know that it was wrong that I even kept it for this long…but she _begged_…and…" "Jim, it's okay, tell me…please." she asked. Jim took a deep breath and closed his eyes "her father hurts her. He abuses her." he said. He felt like such a traitor, but he knew it had to be done. How could he live with himself knowing that Melinda was going through all this pain and he could stop it?

Mrs Scott gasped loudly and pushed back from her chair. "when did she tell you?" she asked, Jim shook his head "last week…I'm such an idiot."

"Okay. Okay, lets go to her house. I know its not what I should do…but…Melinda has changed since she met you and id rather just pretend I found out myself than maker her mad at you."

Jim jumped into Mrs scotts car and they drove along the road for only ten minutes till they were at Melinda's house. "come on." she said.

Mrs Scott took her hand up to the wood of the door to knock it but as soon as her fist came in contact of the wood, it creeped open. She looked inside and gagged when she could smell beer, smoke and rotten food. "is anyone home?" she called. She thought she heard a reply, but she couldn''t be sure, so she called again. Instead of wasting any time, she walked into the house and up the stairs towards the small whisper she thought she might have heard.

"help…me…" she heard. It was coming from behind a door at the end of the hallway. She ran over and without hesitating, she kicked it open and gasped at the sight of Melinda, curled up on the floor covered in cuts and bruises and wearing only a pair of pyjama bottoms and a bra. She was shaking profusely and breathing hard, barely conscious.

"Jim, call 911. Melinda, it's going to be okay. It's Mrs Scott, I'm going to get you some help, okay sweetie?" she said, examining Melinda's condition. Melinda nodded weakly and coughed a little, some bright red blood spat out and she shivered. "who did this to you Melinda, tell me the truth?" She asked. Melinda sobbed weakly and curled up tighter. "m-my d-d-dad" she whimpered. "okay, okay honey we're going to get you help, an ambulance is coming okay." she said, picking up a blanket from Melinda's bed and placing it over her to keep her warmer. Melinda's eyes closed over and her shivering stopped, Mrs Scott's breath caught in her throat and she gasped. "Melinda?" she leaned over Melinda's mouth and listened for her warm breath. But she felt nothing.

**TO BE CONTINUEDDDD **

**Pweeeeeeeease reviewwwwwwwwwwww. **

**Its gna put a genuine smile on my face. **


	16. sooner than later, i need a saviour

**I'm trying to write as much as possible at the moment, but school seems to be taking up all my spare time. That and writers block. Anyway, I have a little break from studying, so I've put on some relaxing music and decided to write x hope that it's okay (:x**I opened my eyes to a bright light. It felt warm, it seemed perfect. Like a waterfall surrounded with flowers and the tallest of trees, it seemed attracting, like it wanted me to go into it. I wasn't stupid, and I knew what it was all too well. I stared at the light I was familiar with in awe. I had never wanted anything more in my life, yet…I didn't go in. I just stared.

In the past few months, I can't count how many times I'd contemplated suicide. Running a clean razor along my wrist seemed like the hardest, yet simplest thing to do. I refused to believe that things could get better, but there was always something saying they could.

And now, I was where I wanted to be.

But I wanted to go back. Go back and tell people what was happening, tell people why I changed. I wanted to get help and escape where I was stuck. I'd read online about people who'd gone through the same as me and ended up with a family, happy and alive, more alive thnaa they had been. But I had also read about the ones whod escaped, but the past haunted them so much they got involved in things like drugs, alcohol. I read about the people who killed themselves, killed other people. It was all unknown, what would happen would be a mystery.

Before I could step into that light, I was pulled back into the ground, back to the cruel world I hated. I could feel burning in my throat and my head. I was shaking, scared and confused.

I could hear a voice, feel a hand in mines.

"Melinda," A famale voice came, "it's going to be okay. You'll get help. Everything is going to be okay."

Lies.

And again, I fell into the darkness. The familiar darkness. Where I longed to stay forever.

_But I will hold on hope _

_And I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain_

_And I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again_

Autumn. Golden leaves, scattered on the cold ground. Frosted as the cold bitter air comes along. Sun shining, no warmth comes from its rays. My favourite month, its just over. Now it's winter. Its too cold, its icy, its annoying. And With winter comes Christmas, a holiday I see and envy. I haven't experienced the warmth that comes with it for years. I forget how the gift wrapping felt against my hands as I removed it from the boxes. I forget the late Christmas eve, staying up to hear Santa. I forget how it felt to wake up my parents, tell them Santa had come. I forget the way Christmas pudding tastes, Christmas music really sounds. I forget how the tree used to look in my living room, how we used to put it up together.

This is what I thought when I first woke up in an empty, cold hospital room. I thought about the things I no longer had in my life. I thought about hugs, how…if you know someone for long enough, their hug feels familiar, the speed of their heartbeat becomes as normal as your own, you hear it even when they're not there. The way you fit into their arms like a jigsaw puzzle. Then, it can all go away and its like moving to a new country. Nothing is normal, nothing is real.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. What was the point in going through this same thing again to be thrown back into that place. I couldn't do it. I was no longer the person I once was. I was now a girl with nothing.

I sat up, against the pain and the tiredness and slowly pulled out my IV, wincing at the pain it brought. Blood was dripping down my arm, but I didn't care. I clenched my jaw and tried not to think about the pain as I made my way to the hospital bathroom. I had to end it, once and for all.

I closed the door behind me, but didn't lock it. I hoped someone would find me, when it was too late and understand why I did it. Feel bad for even bringing me back.

I picked up a razor from the toilet back someone had left for me and fiddled about with it till the blade came out, it cut my fingers as I broke through the plastic. With shaking, bloody fingers, I closed my eyes and placed the blade on my arm, where I could see the bright blue vein. A tear fell down my face, this had to be done, because life was no longer as it should be. It was backwards, no one loved me, no one knew me, I knew no one, I loved no one. Before I pushed down, I looked into the mirror at my pale face, sunken cheeks and bruised eyes. I had straw like hair, thin and broken through malnutrition. I barely recognised that girl staring back at me. And I pushed down, as hard as possible, the blood starting to ease out the sides of the blade. I pulled it along in a straight line, and felt nauseous and weak. But it was all going to be over. Tears fell down my cheeks, and as my knees went weak, I heard the door open. Someone saw me. I started to fall, but was caught by arms, ones I knew. Ones I needed. Jims.

I heard him call, but I couldn't hear his voice. I felt his breath fall against my neck, urging me to come back, to survive. It was then, in that moment, all too late, I realised that I was stupid. I could be the girl who fell in love, got married and had children, but I stopped that from happening, I knew there was too much blood loss to survive. But still, I had a tiny shred of hope.

**Jims Pov. **

I carried her to the bed and was pushed out of the room as they worked on her. How stupid was I? she was weak, scared and I left her alone. I felt worse than I ever had in my life, my heart cracked to pieces as I saw the blood, pouring from her arm. She had to survive. I loved her.

Mrs Scott, who had gone home to get her husband something to eat, came walking towards me. The last thing we'd heard, before this happened, was that she was going to be okay. And that Tom had been arrested, and now, she was fighting for her life. I ran up to her, tears burning my eyes. Shaking at the thought of how I'd just seen her.

She gave me a worried look, "what?" she asked. And I fell to my knees.

"she…" I couldn't say it, it was too hard, the words were all messed up, jumbled up. "she cut herself, there…blood…so much…she…pale…could die…" that was all I could get out through the tears.

Mrs Scott helped me sit up and with tears in her own eye, said it would be okay.

A few hours passed and no word had been said about Melinda. I was sitting with my head in my hands and Mrs Scott was away looking for someone to tell us what was happening. I couldn't get the image of Melinda's face just before she fell out of my head. She looked relieved, to finally get out of all of this. She looked a little bit happy. And in some sick, twisted way, I felt bad for saving her. Because took away what she wanted. I took away what she felt she needed. But I loved her, and I needed her to be okay.

Mrs Scott came walking towards me and sat down next to me. "she's going to be okay. She lost a lot of blood and they are worried about her mental state, but she's alive. She is going to recover physically."

I nodded and looked down at the floor. "she wanted to die." I whispered. "and I cant stop thinking about how it must feel to be like that. She was weaker than even I thought she was. She doesn't know Tom is in jail. She thinks its going to be the same." my voice was a weak whisper.

Mrs Scott placed her hand on my back. "we'll save her."

_**Well, I hpe that was okay (:xxx **_


	17. i'll turn it off in all my spite

**After everything that's happened, this chapter was a little hard to write. I mean, it's not like I never understood someone wanting to take their life before, I've understood exactly what it feels like. I know this is a little too much information, but I've wanted to take my own life before, too. But I've never known what it feels like to know someone who actually had done it. Until Sunday. So, what I'm saying is…it's strange writing about something that feels so hard, you know? And it's just…it's still a raw pain. So, if my writing is weird, or off, please don't be put off x **

_I scraped my knees while I was praying and found a demon in my safest haven, seems like, its getting harder to believe in anything well just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts. I wanna know what it'd be like to find perfection in my pride to see nothing in the light. I'll turn it off, in all my spite, in all my spite, ill turn it off. __**and the worst part is, before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff and in the free fall I realise I'm better off when I hit the bottom. **_

I opened my eyes to see Jim sitting next to me, dozing off. I coughed a little and he looked at me, smiling. "you're awake."

I nodded weakly and tried to adjust the way I was laying, but I was too sore.

"I…" words really couldn't speak how I felt right now. I couldn't decide if I was happy or sad to be alive. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"I don't know what to say, Jim. I'm sorry. I'm really , really sorry. But I just felt completely…shattered. I promise you that I'll try my best to get over this. I promise I'll try and live this life. But I'm only promising to try." I said.

Jim moved his chair closer and put his hand in my non-bandaged hand. "Melinda, I understand what you mean. I get that you're hurting. I just want to let you know that I'm here. I'm always going to be here. I love you, Melinda. I don't care if love is a drastic word, but it's the truth. You're an amazing person, and I know you don't think that, but you are. Don't leave me, please. I'll help you through this."

I smiled and tears filled my eyes. Never in my life had anyone said something quite like that to me.

"I promise, I'll hold on."

Someone knocked the door and looked up. I was surprised to see Mrs Scott standing at the door, in her hands was a subway and a MacDonald's.

"Oh, hello Melinda. I need to have a chat with you," she said, smiling and sitting next to Jim. "could you leave for a minute please, jim?" she asked. Jim nodded and kissed my head then left the room.

"I know you don't know much about whats happened in the past week while you've been here. But, I'm going to let you know as much as possible." she said. I nodded, waiting on her to continue, "okay, so your father is in prison. But you need to go to a police interview and there'll be a court date to see how long he'll be in for. I understand there is nowhere for you to go to now that you're out of your house and since you are only 17, you need somewhere to stay. So, I was thinking about it for a while and I was wondering how you would feel about coming to stay with me. I understand it's a big thing to ask, but I don't want you to end up in some crappy place. I can provide you with a bedroom, food and care."

I gasped at her generous offer and took a teary breath.

"I wouldn't want to be a burden." I whispered.

Mrs scott shook her head defensively, "no, Melinda. You're not. Me and my husband would be so happy to have you. I'll be here for you and if you need to talk, I'll listen."

Melinda smiled. "thank you," she whispered through tears, "thank you so much."

Melinda hadn't felt so loved in such a long time, not since her father had left all those years ago. She had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be cared for so much. But right in that moment, she wanted to sing, laugh, smile. She felt love seeping through her veins, coming out of her as she breathed. Love. Love. Love. Love.

**SHORT SHORT SHORT. My apologies x **


	18. pretending to smile

**Sorry for this incredibly short and uneventful chapter, but it was all I could put together in a small amount of time x **

3 days later.

Kristen's house was like nothing I'd ever come across. Set just outside the village and atop a long hill. A spiralling road wound its way to the top, where a set of iron gates opened at the click of a few buttons. the car drove up the stoned driveway where we stopped in front of a gravel path. I stepped out of the car and felt the crunch of the gravel beneath my feet. I tried to close my mouth at the sight, but it was impossible. It was a white mansion with a slate roof. The front porch supported a second story veranda where floor length floral curtains blew through open French doors. "my god," I mumbled. "this is where you live?" Kristen took me by the arm and led me up the steps and opened the front door, a magnificent oak panel carved with the head of a lion.

The lobby was huge, mesmerising. White walls held decorative pictures and the roof held a huge sparkling chandelier. She led me through a white double door into a large living room. On the far end was 2 large sofas, suede with large pillows. The floor was a dark wood, in the middle of the room was a large deep purple carpet with a large coffee table on top of it. The 50" TV was opposite the sofa's. Melinda gasped. This one room was nearly the size of the whole bottom floor of Melinda's old house.

"I'm kind of tired," Melinda mumbled, "is there somewhere I can sleep?" She asked.

Kristen nodded "follow me and you can look around later." she said, leading her up the large stairway.

The room that Kristen showed Melinda to was up a large spiralling staircase at the end of a large hallway. The room was large, with three light blue walls and one back wall with a pattern of white flowers against light blue and silver. There were 2 large windows with vintage lace curtains and a set of French doors leading off onto a small balcony. In the middle of the room sat a king sized bed with a light blue duvet and pillows and a silk overthrow. Opposite the bed sat a large white antique cabinet with a huge flat screened TV and a row of DVDs. Melinda smiled and turned to Kristin, "this is beautiful," she gasped. Kristen smiled, "it's your room. We just done it up for you." she said. "and you've not seen the best part yet." she let her to the two doors on one side of the room. One was leading into a large bathroom with a huge bath and a heap of brand new toiletries and another led to the closet, which, by the way, was pretty much the same size of the room. Melinda walked inside and gasped. On the racks were a load of new clothes with the tags still on them and at the end of the clothes was a row of new shoes. "I knew you didn't have all that many clothes, and I thought this might cheer you up a little. I also got you a heap of MAC make up as well. I don't know what your style is, but I saw you wear some dark stuff so there's some deep purples, blues and a black palette, too. Also some eye liners and mascara." she said. Melinda smiled softly and nodded her head, "you didn't need to do that." Kristen shook her head, "it was no problem, Melinda. Now. If you want to go for a sleep that's okay. But I want to take you out tonight for a little treat. So, I'll wake you up in 2 hours and you can have a shower and stuff, is that okay?" she asked. Melinda smiled and nodded. "that sounds perfect."

It felt odd to be treated so well, and although Melinda should have loved it, she kind of hated it. The attention annoyed her because after so many years of being told she was worthless, she didn't feel like she deserved it.

**Review or whatever, **

**Constructive criticism is more than welcome. **


	19. I'm not okay I promise

Two weeks later...

I was staring out the window at the tree that sat in the middle of Kristens garden, my eyes moving only to blink the whole time. I watched many leaves fall to the crisped up, cold ground and I sighed. Kristens voice came from behind me, but I did not move. Again came her voice and again I did not move an inch. Her hand touched my shoulder and I sighed quietly.  
"Melinda, you need to eat."  
I loved staying with Kristen, but it had its downs. She loved me like a daughter and Robert did, too. I hated seeing them worried though, it killed me a little inside every time they said they were scared for me. I felt like a burden, maybe life would be so much easier without a hormonal, overreacting teenager. What had I to complain about? I was safe. Tom was no longer in my life. People loved me. People cared. But since all the trauma my body had been through I was finding it hard to get back to normal. I couldn't really sleep through nightmares, I was having regular panic attacks and I just couldn't eat. Kristen watched me cry when I woke from nightmares, she watched me gasp for breath through my panic attacks and she watched me faint through malnutrition. And I just felt terrible.  
"I'm not hungry." I whispered, still staring at the unmoving tree. It struck me how strong it stood even through the highest of winds, the only parts of the tree that ever moved were the small branches on which held tiny leaves ready to fall into the black hole of a ground. I wondered what it would be like to be that tree, to stand still through the most traumatic of events. But me, I was merely one of the branches, with every gust of wind a part of me fell into the swallowing ground and I was being stripped of everything I once was. Soon, i'd fall too.

Kristen turned me to face her, I finally fell back into reality. "you know what the doctors said. You're never going to get better if you dont allow yourself to heal."  
I knew she meant well, she just wanted me to feel better and she just wanted me to be happy. But I was scared of everything and I just wasn't ready to be forced into things. "you're eating tonight. I've not saw you eat at all today." I shook my head and turned to the tree. "No. Melinda, please." her voice was desperate. So I sighed again and followed her down to the dining room.

The plate of potatoes and vegetables sat in front of me and I could feel everyones eyes on me, watching for me to actually eat the food instead of stare at it. I hated the stares, they just made feel even more guilty. I picked up the fork and started to eat the food on the plate. I never finished it, infact, i'd eaten only two bits of chicken and a piece of brocolli. I felt like i'd eaten much more, I just wanted to go to my room and sleep. Without a single word, i pushed back from the table and slowly walked up to my room. I closed the door behind my and sighed when I noticed that Kristen had taken away the lock. Before I knew it, i'd fallen asleep on the edge of my bed and was forced into an unwanted nightmare.

It was dark. Dark. Dark was all I could see. Blackness everywhere. Suffocating me. I tried to shout out, but nothing came out. Fear. Crippling, blinding fear. It was swarming me, taking me over. In the far distance, through the resounding silence, I could hear the soft thumping of footsteps, louder. louder. louder. I whipped my head around, only to be faced with dark. A cold hand wrapped around my neck. Another cold hand around my wrist. Again, I tried to scream. Silence. I could feel someones breath against my skin. Warm deep breaths. I couldn't hear them, nor see who it was. I could only feel them. Then came a loud screaming noise. STOP. STOP NO. NO. It was my own voice. My own cries. It was me. I was trying to escape. As quick as the silence came, it was now gone. "who are you?" I let my weak cry cry out. The voice that replied was more frightening than any mosters or ghosts. It was Tom's. "your worst nightmare."

As soon as I was thrown back into reality, I knew I was having another panic attack. This one was worse because this time, I couldn't shout for help. I couldn't breath at all. Everything hurt, I couldn't get Tom's taunting voice away from my head. I couldn't think straight. I needed help. With every bit of energy I had, I used my tired voice.  
"...He...lp...Kri..K..."  
I prayed it was loud enough, and when I heard footsteps running towards the room. I fell back onto the bed and tried to breathe in, but I just ended up hyperventalating. I ssuddenly felt kristens hand on my shoulder, i could hear shouting but it was so far away.  
"I..."  
I felt cold water hit my face, then hit my arms and my legs. It was bringing me back to reality, back to the place I didn't want to be.  
"Melinda," this time I could actually hear her voice. "Just remember you're safe. You're with Me and Robert and Jim. You're going to be okay. Everything is okay."  
I started to open my eyes and noticed I was laying in the shower fully clothed. "that's good honey, keep breathing. You're doing really well."  
Another few gasps later and I managed to sit up on my own through my near-convulsive shaking. Tears spilled down my cheeks and Kristen brought a fluffy towel around me. She picked me up and carried me back into the bedroom, where she disappeared into the closet and emerged with pyjamas and underwear.  
I put on the clothes and she pulled back the covers for me to get back into the bed.  
"how do you feel?"  
Before I could even answer, I was sobbing. I didn't want to cry but It just happened. I couldn't stop. As she always did, she wrapped her arms around me and held me as I let go of all the feelings i'd been holding in.  
"it's okay." she soothed, rubbing my back as I started to calm down. "you're okay."  
When I was done and only left with sniffles and hiccups, I hugged kristen and smiled. "sorry."  
She shook her head and rubbed my back again. "don't be. Was it another nightmare?"  
I nodded and looked at the ground. "they're getting worse. I feel like..."  
I didn't want to finish. I hated spilling my feelings out because I felt bad for kristen having to listen to them.  
"what?"  
I shrugged my shoulders. "like i'm just losing myself in all of this. I feel like i'm ready to give up on being normal. I feel like nothing will ever get easier. He'll always follow me, always hurt me when I close my eyes. I'll always be scared."  
Kristen shook her head. "you wont always be scared Melinda. Yeah, it'll always be in the back of your mind somewhere, but you'll have these people that love you and they will take away that fear. I'm here to take away that fear and hold your hand through this."  
I shook my head. "I think I want to leave."  
I knew this was a stupid decision, without a stable house and family i'd let myself fall apart. But at least if i fell apart on my own no one would feel the need to pick the pieces up for me.  
"you can't Melinda. You can't be alone right now."  
"But I hate this."  
Kristen sat closer to me and shook her head. "what?"  
"I feel like i'm just a burden. I feel like i'm dragging you guys down with me. I mean, look at how many panic attacks i've had in the space of this week alone, look how many times you've had to pick me off the floor because i'm not eating even though I really want to. I hate doing this to you. Every time you see me upset, I see that look on your face, like you just dont want me to feel like this, you always seem like you feel so helpless, even though you do help. I Just want you to have a normal life."  
Kristen let a tear fall down her cheek, she had been holding herself together so well for me and now she was crying because I was upset. Because I was in trouble. Because I wasn't perfect.  
"Melinda. Let me tell you something. I've always wanted a baby. But It just isn't happening for me and Robert. I've always wanted to worry about someone, to care about someone, to love someone like a child instead of a husband. I always knew it was the one thing I had to do with my life. Teaching never really did anything for it. There was always a gap in me, a hole, and I knew only a child could fill it. I was born to be a mother. Then I got you in my class, you were so bubbly and you smiled. a lot. Then there was this one day, you came to school and you looked scared. I'd never seen you so...scared. You smiled like normal and you laughed too. But I knew there was something wrong. Your eyes looked so sad. It got worse and worse, I saw you lose weight, I saw you cry and bury your head into your arms. I saw you pull away from your friends. Then I saw the bruises. I tried to get you to tell me, I sent people to your house to see if things were okay. But nothing was working. And then I knew from the moment that I thought i couldn't help you that it would be my goal to make you smile. To make those eyes shine like they used to. I had this feeling like I was supposed to help you. And then I did. And the hole, that gap in me that held me back from being myself...was gone. Just like that. I knew I needed you to come here and live with us. I knew I was supposed to be your mother. Even though I'm not your mother."  
I took in a deep teary breath and smiled. She loved me like a daughter. No one had ever loved me like that. They said they did, but that was simple, to lie and put on a face and nod your head and say I love you even though you really mean you're a disappointment. Kristen accepted that I wasn't perfect. She accepted my faults. She accepted Me.  
"I...thank you."  
Kristen shook her head and kissed me on the forehead. "I love you, Melinda."  
_Night has always pushed up day,__  
__you must know life to see decay,__  
__but I wont rot.__  
__Not this mind and not this heart,__  
__I wont rot._


	20. Shattered glass

**So, the last time I updated, i was kidna gutted when I noticed I only recieved one review :( I'm not a review begger, but I really am being honest when I say that its the only thing that keeps me writing GW ff. But i'm still updating, though. Please, please review. 3 = a new chapter. Deal? okay, deal. **

I hadn't seen Jim in about 3 days and it had somehow managed to seem a hell of a lot longer, so I was happy to see his face when he popped it around the door with a cheesy grin on his face. In the few days since i'd seen him, I was managing to get back on my feet. I had been eating a lot better and also had one nightmareless night, which was a big step.

"so...Wanna go out somewhere?"

I smiled, his voice made my head spin everytime. I was still barely getting used to knowing that Jim was _mine. _"or we could have a night in with a movie and some food? I'm actually not feeling all that great, so it would be less of a fuss." I gave him my best eye flutter and puppy dog pout and he nodded.

"sure! i'll go get some DVDs from the entertainment room..."

"or we could watch it in there? with a blanket and i'll get kristen to watch out for the food?"

"genius!"

I laughed and he came closer to me, kissing me on the cheek. Butterflies errupted into a frenzy in my stomach and my cheeks blushed warm and red. I ran my hand through his soft hair and caught him by surprise with a kiss on the lips. I let him deepen the kiss and before we knew it, we were a tangle of hands running over soft skinn and heavy breathing. He was _mine. _

Jim pulled my T shirt over my head and threw it behind him, he ran his masculine hands up my back and unhooked my bra...

An hour later, Jim was running his hand up and down my bare back, giving me goosebumps all over my arms. I looked up at his bright eyes and smiled.

"you know something?" I said, taking his hand and squeezing it a little.

He mumbled as if to ask me to continue and in return, squeezed my hand back.

"I feel good."

I could see Jim letting go of all the fear and worry he'd been storing inside him over the past few days. It felt good to have nothing in between us for a minute. Usually there was this fog, no matter how close we got, the fog tom had left was still there. But today it was like somone had just come and cleared it all up. I knew that it wouldn't last a long time, i couldn't just be better straight away, but right now I was happy and I planned on enjoying every minute of it.

After a while of laying in Jims arms, I decided it was time to get up and get dressed.

Jim propped himself up with one arm and looked at the clock, then back to me. "you wanna go out and eat, catch a movie?"

I smiled and nodded, "just give me an hour to get showered and dressed."

I walked into the closet and pulled out a pair of high waisted brown leather shorts, a vintage white lacey vest, laced knee high socks and black laced boots. I climbed into the warm shower and smiled as the refreshing spray hit my skin.

After washing my hair I got dressed and sat at the large stand up mirror in the closet, dried and straightened my hair then applied a little bit of mascara and lip gloss. When I was satisfied, i looked into the mirror. I noticed that I had put on a little bit of weight on my stomach, my ribs still pushed painfully against my battered skin, but I felt the weight when I touched my stomach. It wasn't a bad thing, i'd always wanted to a little bit bigger, it was so hard to find clothes when you're 5'4 and weigh a small 88lbs. I wanted to go into a shop and buy a size 4 or a 6. There was this other part of me, though, and this kind of scared me. There was a voice that told me that through all the failure i'd experienced, this was the only achievement i'd ever got out of it, being skinny was slightly like an award, a sign of strength. I wasn't going to go and starve myself or anything, I just kind of liked it, thrived on it.

After I put on a small cardigen and a bag, i met Jim who was talking to Kristen in the kitchen.

"Did you eat today?" Kristen asked as I entered the kitchen.

I shook my head, there was no point in lying, "no, I had a really sore stomach earlier then Jim came over, but I'll eat out, don't worry."

Jim smiled, "I'll make sure she eats something."

Kristen nodded and gave me a worried look. Just as I was about to tell her it was okay, a rush of dizziness swept over me and black spots clouded my vision. I swayed on my feet and grabbed on to the table in front of me, I felt Jim and kristen hold on to me and sit me down.

"Melinda?"

Kristens voice brought me out of my dazed state and I nodded. "I...I-I'm okay."

"You have to _eat _Melinda! God, you've been through so much and you're getting offered a chance to get better and you're just letting yourself get sick again!"

At the sound of Jim's voice, i jumped, i'd never heard him shout like that.

"I...I do eat..."

"he's right. Melinda, all you do is pretend everythings fine, you eat for a few days and think you're recovered. The doctor told us to watch out for signs of an eating disorder and you know what I did? I shouted at him! and now look at you, you're pretending you don't feel well to skip meals then you're fainting right in front of us! Maybe the doctor wasn't wrong...Maybe I should..."

I stood up through the dizziness that was creeping back up on me. "**No I **_**Don't!**_" My voice was louder than it ever had been. "**I'm **_**FINE.**_"

I stomped off and ran up to my bathroom where I slammed the door shut and sat down with my head in my hands.

I hated the way they all judged me, I hated the way they all were waiting for me to fall. I hated how for one moment I felt normal, and while I felt like I was getting better, everyone else thought I was getting worse.

I stood up and looked in the small mirror above the sink. Fury filled every inch of me, I hated myself. I couldn't do anything right. I was a failure.

I lifted my fist and with all the strength I had, I punched the glass, pain shot through my hand and as I pulled away from the shattered mirror I saw the blood all over my hand. Loud banging filled the room and I let out a frustrated grumble. "just leave me alone!"

"Melinda..." Kristens scared voice came, "please...it's just me, Jim's downstairs...please let me in..."

I shook my head and fell to the floor sobbing. "I can't...I can't do this a-anymore...I-I h-hate letting you d-d-down..."

"baby, you don't let me down, not at all. You're so inspiring, Melinda, I see you get better little by little. I see you smile more every day, you've gone through hell, it's going to be hard to get better, but you will get better and I have every faith that you will. I'm sorry for snapping at you, I really am. I-I love you."

I could hear her crying, I could hear the honesty in her voice. I walked over to the door and unlocked it with my uninjured hand.

She saw my hand and gasped, "what did you do?"

I shook my head, the loud booming voice she was using scared me. It reminded me of...Tom.

A few hours later, I was laying in bed with Jim. The cuts weren't deep enough to go to the hospital, so kirsten bandaged them up herself and kissed every clean cut better, like my mom used to do.

I hated my mum. For the past two hours, it was all I could think about. There were times while I was growing up that she was so perfect, she would pick me up off the floor and kiss my cuts better if i fell, she'd help me learn the alphabet or read a book and sometimes, even though she left me, all I want is to take those memories and make them real again. I wanted to feel the same way I felt back then. I wanted to feel safe and protected instead of scared all the time. My mother, at a small point in my life, was actually a mother to me and, despite all of the horrible things she did to me, I wanted some of her back. I find it hard to accept that now I really don't fit anywhere. While people move along with their lives made up of two parents and a couple of siblings, here I was, trying to recover in my foster parents/teachers house and failing miserably at it. I found it hard to accept that no matter how hard I tried to find some sort of light, something would just let more dark in before I could take it in.

Kristen loved me, she cared for me like a mother, but she wasn't my mother and i guess that's where it went wrong. I loved Kristen too, but it was hard for me to sit and lay my whole feelings on the table for her to clean up. In the batte that I was trying to fight, it seemed like a never ending line of pain for her and robert too. How is that fair?

Jim held me as I started to sob again. I didn't quite know why I was crying. It might have been because I was in pain, but also it might have been because I was scared. I was scared about the future. I was scared about the past. I was stuck in the constand rut of _fear. _I was weak and tired and it was at the point that I didn't even know if Jim could save me.

The only solution? To leave. Before someone got hurt.

_hold on, baby you're losing it. _

_the waters high, you're falling into it and_

_letting go, and no one knows. _

_that you cry but you don't tell anyone, _

_that you might not be the golden one. _

_You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone. _


	21. pleeeeeease read!

Hey would you re-read if I re-wrote the voice within? It'll be different and better :) let me know so I can upload :)


	22. Treacherous

**I really, really, really don't know why I'm updating this…well, I do, but I don't see where this story is going. I have literally been staring at a blank page for over 1 hour buuuuuuut I have managed to come up with _something. _Anyway, enjoy then review/favourite/follow…I don't care, just read it. **

The sun had only just appeared when Melinda stepped off the plane in Boston. She had left a letter for everyone to explain why she had to take some time away so to not worry them too much. She really didn't know what had drawn her towards Boston, especially considering she'd never actually been before. However, something unexplainable was pulling her towards the muggy city and she followed the feeling without a second thought.

It had now been three days since she'd left her life behind and she wasn't entirely sure what she was planning to do for the time being. She had taken a bank card and $460 that she'd saved up from working in the diner so hopefully this could get her by until she found some sort of part time Job. As far as living went, she had no clue where she was going to sleep, and for the past two nights she had been sleeping in an alleyway near the motorway so that she could wake up early to the sound of the cars and continue to make her way through the city to find some sort of safe haven.

It seemed funny that, here, in a city she'd never been to and somewhere that she knew no one, she felt safer than where she had grown up. Well, not _safe _but slightly safer.

She had been walking now for an hour and a half, the soles of her feet ached and the heavy bag she was hauling along was hurting her back. She was feeling slightly dizzy and knew that she needed to eat before she collapsed, it must have been a week since she'd last eaten a full meal and all of a sudden she felt as though she could eat an entire cheeseburger and fries without any hesitation.

The Diner she found after another half hour walk was just situated north of the motorway; it was small with a bright orange canopy and curtains in wooden framed windows. She walked inside tiredly and plopped down in a booth with an exasperated sigh.

"Can I get you something to drink while you decide what you want?" Melinda looked up to see a young girl holding a notepad with a bright smile on her face, she was petite with blonde hair and a small black dress on that contrasted with the bright diner.

"uh…could I have a coke and a tea please?"

Melinda found that her voice was shaking due to the fact that she had spent three entire days without saying a word to anyone.

"okay, I'll just get you that."

Melinda smiled thankfully and looked down at the menu. Truth be told, she could probably eat one of everything, and for once she wasn't bothered about keeping up her demeanour or going along with her urge to stay away from food; she wanted it _all. _

So she ordered a double cheeseburger with a basket of fries and onion rings and when she finished those, she moved onto a slice of red velvet cake. For a moment, she just didn't care that she would gain weight…in fact, she was welcoming a few extra pounds considering the looks she'd been receiving all day.

"Hey, you look lost…do you live around here?"

The young waitress took a seat across from Melinda and smiled. She couldn't have been any older than 17, yet she was here working as a waitress and not in school.

"I…are they maybe looking for staff in here?"

"yeah they actually are, let me get you a form. You stayin' in the city?"

Melina shook her head and took a sip of her coke. "no, not really. Well..yeah, but I haven't got an apartment yet."

"wait…so you don't have somewhere to stay? You been livin' in a motel or somethin'?"

"no."

The young girl leaned across the table and smiled gently. "I have a spare room, it's small and not all that pretty, the rent is super low and its close by."

"you don't know me though…"

The girl shook her head, "no, but you look trustworthy…are you a serial killer?"

"no!" Melinda laughed, taking her last gulp of pop.

Later that night the girl, who she'd found out was called Lacey, took her back to her small appartement just next to the diner and showed her to the room. Melinda unpacked her things and looked at her phone to see she had exactly 115 missed calls from Jim alone.

She hated herself for leaving him, not just because he'd be upset, but because she did love him a lot. She knew for a fact that she would need to find him again, but right now she didn't need to burden anyone with her problems. Right now she would do the right thing, gain some weight and get some money then go back to the people she had found shelter in for good.

_**Small fill in chapter which was just written to explain where Melinda had gone, the next chapter will obviously be a little more dramatic and it will be uploaded next week. Look out for it! **_

_**Reagan. **_


	23. the worst things in life come free to us

**Thank you endlessly for the amazing reviews. ThankyouThankyou_Thankyou. _**

**I DO NOT OWN GHOST WHISPERER. IF I HAD, SEASON 5 WOULD HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A LOT DIFFERENT. NOR DO I OWN THE ADDITIONAL SHOW I HAVE ADDED INTO THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS, RIZZOLI AND ISLES BELONGS TO TNT AND AS DOES JANE AND MAURA. Enjoy! **

_For the next couple of chapters, I will start with a song. There will be 5 chapters after this one and each will recommend a song for you to listen to! I mean, you don't have to, but I personally love putting music to things. _

_**Ed Sheeran – the A team. **_

_White skin, pale face, breathing in snowflakes. Burnt lung, sour taste. _

Jim had searched and searched, but Melinda had left not one clue as to where she had gone. He understood her decision and, to be perfectly honest, would have probably made the exact same choice had he been in any situation like Melinda was in. Now, 6 months down the line, he began to realise that maybe it would be best to let Melinda find her way back to him. But he worried more and more every day, where was she when the cold was setting in? Was she warm? Was she eating? How could she survive in a world like this all alone?

She was, after all, only 17 years old. She was also a very, very lost soul. She had called twice and let everyone know that things were okay, but he knew that Melinda had been good at lying about these things. But he couldn't leave home right now to find her, he knew himself that she needed that space. Things in Grandview could never really be okay for Melinda, but he knew that time could make things a little easier. But it had been over 6 months since he'd last seen her and when he thought about it, it really hurt. But not half as much as he hurt when he saw Kristen cry; she had blamed herself from the very beginning and things in Grandview had been pretty hard after she'd been fired for false accusations regarding Melinda's living conditions. She and Robert had been taking some time apart and, although it wasn't because of Melinda, she had been a little resentful of Melinda for just taking off without explain exactly where she was going and why.

Boston, MA.

_Lights gone, days end, struggling to pay rent. Long nights, strange men._

Winter in Boston was just as extreme as summer in the senses that the cold air was slightly dizzying. Melinda wore layers upon layers, but the cold always seemed to find its way to her bones. Lately, everything hurt.

For the first 3 months in Boston, Melinda had been working to pay rent and things had been okay, Lacey's home offered her warmth and safety. But things began to change on the 4th month, when Lacey's boyfriend had moved in along with the two young girls and he wasn't the nicest of boys. Melinda had made the decision to move out on the 10th month and for a few days, was back to wandering the unpleasant streets of downtown Boston.

It was on her third homeless day that she witnessed the murder. A man, around 33, had held a woman to gunpoint and was shouting in her face. Melinda, crouched behind a bin, watched in horror as the woman turned to face Melinda with dark eyes, before the gun went off.

_And they say, she's in the class A team, stuck in her daydream, been this way since 18 but lately her face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries_

At first, she had planned to run, but she was rooted to the spot, so she hid in that bin until the man ran away, she stayed there for about 4 hours and only moved when a hand touched her shoulder. She looked up, teary eyed, to see a woman in her 30's looking down at her with warm eyes.

She was a very pretty woman with ash blonde hair and a pair of heels that looked like they might have cost more than her old house. She was wearing a deep blue dress and carrying a briefcase. It was only when she saw this woman that she noticed the crowd of people that had gathere, presumably to see the woman that had been killed.

"Sweetheart, are you alone?" she asked, bending down and checking Melinda out.  
Melinda nodded and looked around. "What…where am I?"  
"My name is Maura Isles, I'm a doctor…well, sort of, but I can help you. You seem to be shaking quite a bit, did you see anything?"  
Melinda shook her head.  
"Okay, that's okay. Let me check you over back at the station. Do you need to call your parents?"  
Silence.  
"Okay, let me help you to my car and then we can go back to the station. My friend is there and she can have a little chat with you. How does that sound?"

Melinda nodded and extended her hand to give permission to help her up. Melinda was tired though, and her feet could barely carry her the length to the car so Maura had allowed her to lean heavily onto her for support.

She was so, unbelievably tired of everything.

**Grandview, NY. **

Kristen looked out into her garden and sighed at the frost that made the ground glitter. The snow was ready to hit, which meant that her trip to Boston for a Job interview was going to be an exhausting ordeal. She didn't want to leave Grandview behind, mainly because she worried that Melinda would come back and she wouldn't be there to help her. But she also worried about Robert. They'd officially split up, and it really wasn't Melinda's fault at all. It was her fault for cutting him off through everything. Melinda leaving reminded her too much of losing her own baby years prior and she had found it so hard to pull herself from the depression that had gripped her. She just wanted Melinda to be safe, she just wanted to hold her and find warmth in her presence. Melinda might not have been her daughter, but they had a strong connection that she just couldn't explain.

She wasn't angry at Melinda for leaving. It wasn't as if she'd done it to hurt her. But she was hurt, that she couldn't deny. She had expected this to be her moment in life to do something helpful and right and she'd be able to make things okay for Melinda. Now, 6 months since she'd last saw her, Kristen had never felt so helpless.

**Boston, MA. **

"This is Detective Jane Rizzoli." Maura ushered Melinda to a seat at the desk of a woman in her mid 30's with black hair that was unruly with untamed curls. She was taller and thinner than Maura and, rather than the classy expensive clothes the ME was wearing, she wore a black pant suit and a blue shirt under the blazer. With a lopsided smile, Jane extended her arm and placed it on Melinda's shoulder.

"Maura texted me about you on the way, let's get you somethin' to eat, that sound good?"

Melinda nodded and followed them down to a café in the station.

"Ma, Mac and cheese with bacon." Melinda figured that the jolly woman behind the counter was the detective's mother.

"What's your name?"

Melinda sighed and looked down at her shaking hands. "Melinda." She mumbled.

Jane smiled at Maura who had now taken a seat next to them. "That's a nice name. Where are you from, Melinda?"

"New York."

"So," Maura cut in "what are you doing here in Boston?"

Melinda shrugged "getting away from old demons."

"I know what that's like…" Jane said quietly, smiling at Melinda warmly.

"I saw the guy, you know. I know that's why I'm here. I need to give you a statement."

Maura nodded and took Melinda's hand. "Yes, that's correct. But, you can take your time."

Melinda picked up a napkin and placed it on her lap, before wiping the cutlery with another and placing them back where they were supposed to be. Before she started speaking, she arranged the salt and pepper so that they were perfectly aligned and did the same with the ketchup, mustard, and napkin dispenser.

"He was white, black hair, about 6.2" and he was wearing blue jeans with a small rip on the left knee with a white shirt that had some blood along the left arm…That's about it. I don't have a watch, but the church bells went just after it happened so it could have been around 12am."

Maura smiled and Jane nodded her head. "That's great! We'll get a more detailed statement in a while after you eat, okay?"

Melinda nodded and her stomach growled when the plate of mac and cheese was placed in front of her. She was so hungry, but at the same time she had no appetite at all, so while the detective and ME talked to each other, Melinda pushed the food around on her plate and took about 4 bites before placing her fork back on the plate. Her mind was a hazard at that moment because, not only had she seen something happen that she really wished she hadn't, but she was also beginning to doubt her decision to get up and leave Grandview. She'd been offered a second chance there, but had abruptly pushed it away out of fear of letting other people down. Now, she figured it was too late to take the opportunity back. But she couldn't stay here, this place had been ruined too. It seemed like everywhere Melinda would find, something would follow her and haunt her until she'd be forced to leave.

Here she was again though, doubting the help that was being handed to her. These people were being so nice to her, yet she felt as though she didn't deserve it.

"Melinda, how about we get your statement and then Jane can drive you home?"

Melinda nodded and rubbed her tired eyes with her palms. "You don't need to drive me, I can walk." She mumbled quietly.

"Don't be silly. Come on, let's take you up to the conference room."

She followed behind Jane and Maura and with every step her mind grew a little fuzzier, her legs felt a little weaker, she began to fade away, listening to the women mumble quietly to each other, listening to them live their lives while she let hers slip through her fingers. Then, the ground came up to meet her and her mind went completely blank.

**Newark Airport, NJ. **

Kristen stepped onto the small plane and looked out of the window at the cold New York day. In the distance, she could see the large New York City skyline and she closed her eyes to imagine the busy streets of Manhattan. To imagine Melinda, sitting on the red steps in Times Square with a guitar in hand, singing some song she had written in class about the things she'd gone through. She imagined Melinda's hair, tied up in a top knot and her clothes hanging too loose because she hadn't enough money to eat. She imagined the people passing Melinda by, taking in no consideration the life she'd run away from. She imagined Melinda, all alone, living in a large city so close to home.

But she knew that Melinda wasn't here in New York.

She knew that she wasn't playing a guitar on the red steps.

She knew that Melinda wasn't singing, because she hadn't sang in a long time.

She knew that she'd probably never see that girl again.

_They say, she's in the class A team, stuck in her daydream, been that way since 18 but lately, her face seems, slowly sinking wasting, crumbling like pastries and they scream the worst things in life come free to us and you're just under the upper hand, go mad for a couple grams and it's too cold outside for angels to fly. _


	24. TIME TO SAY GOODBYE AND THANK YOU

_**Hi guys, **_

_**I've done this before, and maybe then I didn't really mean it, but I just want you to know that this time I do. I know that I've spent a couple of years on this website pouring my words out on a page for people to read and, somewhere along the way, I've gained friends and gained readers who make me unbelievably grateful. I can never thank you all enough for taking the time to read my dribble, however bad it can be at times. I figured that I would work up the inspiration to finish these stories for good and that would make it okay to leave this website. However, sometimes you just don't have it anymore. I don't watch this show half as much as I used to, I don't have the time to sit down and write about something that i've lost interest in. It's not just the show, it's the stories. Maybe one day, I had a direction ready to head towards with these stories, maybe the day I started them I had a huge plan in my head, but now I don't. I hope you understand, but I'm about to turn 20 and start university and live alone for the first time. I'm on a new chapter in my life and, unfortunately, it's a chapter that doesn't include obsessing over TV. Well ghost whisperer, at least. I'm not only leaving these stories but i am also deleting the one I started for another show as well (I guess I had high expectations for myself) I really do hope that everyone has enjoyed reading my words as much as I've enjoyed writing them. To those who have stuck with me from the very first chapter I posted, to those who have reviewed even when the words made no sense, to those who have stood by every single storyline my strange mind has imagined, Thank you so very much. **_

_**I'm not sure if anyone will read this, and if they do i'm not sure if they will care. That's okay, because there aren't many people out there who were here in the beginning and I completely understand that. It's a different place now, a different fandom. **_

_**As I said before, I don't have the time or the inspiration and I really wish that I could finish both stories. I really did have a plan when they started, I somehow got lost along the way. 'Who will stop the rain?' was completely inspired by a certain writer who I shall not name, thanks for everything hun. You've saved me on more than one occasion and i'm incredibly sorry about how things had to turn out. As far as 'I fall to pieces' goes, I can not write that story. I am past a chapter in my life where I can openly talk about things that have hurt me. I cannot pull myself in the wrong direction by writing about something that i've felt so deeply. I feel it best to stop before I can't. **_

_**This is all silly maybe, but I had to say it. **_

_**Thank you. **_

_**Enjoy everything in life and never forget to smile! **_

_**Reagan. **_


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